The Moral of the Story
-Cheaters never prosper. Unless they are really, really good at cheating. Then they prosper like a motherfucker.
-Never talk to strangers, unless you're pretty sure you could take them in a fight.
-During the fun and games, always keep your video camera rolling just in case someone loses an eye.
-Birds of a feather flock together. Usually to Hot Topic and then maybe to the food court for some curly fries.
-And that's why alcohol and a secret cache of hand grenades that you acquired over the internet don't mix.
-Every man for himself, particularly when a buffet is involved.
-Sometimes one must stoop to conquer. Whatever the fuck that means.
-Everyone is the master of their own fate. Not that it really matters in your case, you lazy son of a bitch.
-Two wrongs don't make a right, although three wrongs do make for a fun evening in Atlantic City.
-Necessity is the mother of invention, which goes a long way towards explaining our country's booming sex toy industry.
-Never kick a man when he's down. Instead, drop a large rock on his skull.
-You are judged by the company you keep, which is why you got arrested right along with all the other guys in that truck stop's bathroom.
-Never talk to strangers, unless you're pretty sure you could take them in a fight.
-During the fun and games, always keep your video camera rolling just in case someone loses an eye.
-Birds of a feather flock together. Usually to Hot Topic and then maybe to the food court for some curly fries.
-And that's why alcohol and a secret cache of hand grenades that you acquired over the internet don't mix.
-Every man for himself, particularly when a buffet is involved.
-Sometimes one must stoop to conquer. Whatever the fuck that means.
-Everyone is the master of their own fate. Not that it really matters in your case, you lazy son of a bitch.
-Two wrongs don't make a right, although three wrongs do make for a fun evening in Atlantic City.
-Necessity is the mother of invention, which goes a long way towards explaining our country's booming sex toy industry.
-Never kick a man when he's down. Instead, drop a large rock on his skull.
-You are judged by the company you keep, which is why you got arrested right along with all the other guys in that truck stop's bathroom.
posted by Clinton at 8:47 AM
15 Comments:
-Every man for himself, particularly when a buffet is involved.
I am really craving Ponderosa right now....
"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" - What good is a bird in the hand? Sounds messy and painful if you ask me.
Midwesterner... You know, I've never been to a Ponderosa. Growing up, we had Golden Corrals, which I think were kind of the same thing but with a much, much lower standard for quality.
Jeff... It usually doesn't work out so hot for the bird, either.
Do you know anyone that has actually had a pleasant dining experience at Golden Corral? I've never heard a story that didn't end with the runs, food poisoning, or gang violence. That place is pure misery.
i sincerely hope these are things you've learned through personal experience... especially the truck stop bathroom ;)
-Jew
Never talk to strangers, unless you're pretty sure you could take them in a fight.
or unless you are planning to have sex with them. not like i would know anything about that. pervert.
Scott... No, Golden Corral is a fucking pit of despair. The last time I was there (which was in the mid-90's) I gave myself a crazy-painful burn on my hand with some spilled soup. Nothing good comes from the Golden Corral, ever. Pancho's Mexican Buffet, however... pure culinary gold.
Jew... I'm not allowed to comment on that until after the trial.
Dmbmeg... Sex with strangers is great, if a bit Cinemax-y. Especially if the strangers you're having sex with are all strippers who are secretly undercover FBI agents with dark pasts and abusive husbands.
In high school we ate at one in Tulsa before a soccer tournament. We played the first game with nine people because 8 people got food poisoning. Most miserable experience of my life.
ps- I have "raised the flag" many a time. Greatness!
I learn so much through ZFS!
Scott... Yeah, that sounds about right. Oh and seriously, when my father and I eat at Pancho's, we're lucky if the flag doesn't catch on fire from the constant friction.
Lioux... I do try to teach as well as entertain. Usually I accomplish neither, but at least I'm trying.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
[rimshot]
1. practice dying face first if you live alone and have a dog or cat. if you are lying there a few days, and they've not eaten, well...you are dinner, and they'll eat your eyes first. this way, they eat your ass.
2. don't have an open casket, even if you don't have your face eaten off. people walk by, and say, "oh, doesn't she look good!" and you are lying there knowing you don't.
Big Daddy... And four lefts make a circle. A wonderful, wonderful circle.
Quin... Ew. Also, morbid. I plan on not having a casket all; cremation is the way to go. Then I'm going to have an agent for my estate take my ashes and throw them in the faces of people who wronged me in the past. That'll learn 'em.
i like to be realistic... that's why i've put in the will that to get the car (i saved and bought a nice little benz two seater convertible that is currently in storage), you have to attend my funeral. then, you go back to the house, and stand there touching the car.
the person left standing gets it.
this way, i know i'll have someone at the service...otherwise, i can't be certain there will be enough people there to carry my urn.
Also, you should check out Neato Coolville. He is commemorating the Star Wars anniversary with pics of old Star Wars stuff.
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