Why Does It Always Rain On Me?
Oh yeah, it's because I refuse to buy an umbrella. That's why.
I know that it's raining. I know that, as a consequence of it raining, I'll get wet. I know that if I buy an umbrella and use it in the manner for which it was intended, I'll circumvent my getting wet and the day, the city and possibly the world will be mine for the taking. However, because I am an idiot (as we've discussed), I time and again pass by the umbrella stand, not casually but with great determination, and I lumber out into the street where only a sound and thorough dousing awaits.
It's like I have a mental block that prevents me from actually taking money from my wallet, handing it to the kindly, grandfatherly purveyor of umbrellas, and walking away with a yard or so of nylon above my head. I have umbrella autism.
Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here is that I'm currently very wet (get your mind out of the gutter), my hair is going to look stupid for the rest of the day, I'm chilly because the air conditioner in here is blasting like it's August, and I'm generally unhappy about the entire situation.
I'm going to go scowl at the secretaries for a little while until I feel better.
More later, possibly with less bile.
I know that it's raining. I know that, as a consequence of it raining, I'll get wet. I know that if I buy an umbrella and use it in the manner for which it was intended, I'll circumvent my getting wet and the day, the city and possibly the world will be mine for the taking. However, because I am an idiot (as we've discussed), I time and again pass by the umbrella stand, not casually but with great determination, and I lumber out into the street where only a sound and thorough dousing awaits.
It's like I have a mental block that prevents me from actually taking money from my wallet, handing it to the kindly, grandfatherly purveyor of umbrellas, and walking away with a yard or so of nylon above my head. I have umbrella autism.
Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here is that I'm currently very wet (get your mind out of the gutter), my hair is going to look stupid for the rest of the day, I'm chilly because the air conditioner in here is blasting like it's August, and I'm generally unhappy about the entire situation.
I'm going to go scowl at the secretaries for a little while until I feel better.
More later, possibly with less bile.
posted by Clinton at 8:54 AM
20 Comments:
I hate umbrellas. I own one but forget to bring it with me because once it stops raining I hate having to drag it around, which is why I lose so many of them. I lose umbrellas like jedi's lose lightsabers. Think how many lightsabers have been left in the back of a cab.
Oh, too many to count. That's why you never fuck with a cabbie. You never know when he's going to go all Vader on your ass.
I refuse to use umbrellas as well.
I find them annoying.
Clinton, maybe you could warm yourself up with some more of that ketchup [sp?] soup.
See, it's not that I find them annoying; in fact, on days like today, I long for them deeply and sincerely. It's just that I'm unable to buy them, for whatever reason.
Also, ketchup soup is for lunch. Coffee, lots of it, is for now.
Girlfriend shouldn't let you out of the house without an umbrella! Do I need to give her a talkin' to? ;)
I, too, am enjoying some coffee RIGHT NOW!!!
Cheese... Girlfriend knows that there's just no talking to me about some things and is wise to not waste her breath. Also, the only umbrella in the house is hers and her job actually cares what she looks like, as opposed to mine, so she gets dibs. At my office, I've been dressing like a homeless person for over a year now and they've said squat about it, so a little wetness probably isn't going to damage my cred.
Lioux... It's like we're the same person.
Clinton, you don't have to buy an umbrella. Most bars and restaurants give them out for free. They are usually sitting in containers or stands near the front doors.
Oh Jeff, This is totally true.
My ExBF once took the prettiest one he could find.
Its the same theory as those "Take a penny, leave a penny" trays.
This is all an elaborate ruse that ends with me getting beat up by a large guy who's very protective of his umbrella, isn't it?
for some reason, i'm humming 'don't rain on my parade'.
go figure.
oh, and never, ever scowl at secretaries... who do you think will process your request for your raise/appointment to see the boss/anything important?
ceo's think they run corporations. ha!
Word. The secretaries here have nothing else to do but be mean to people they don't like, so I'd best not cross them. They won't let me have any more Post-It notes, otherwise.
and you never know when you'll be snacking on post-it notes.
of course... you can always stay late...very, very late....and poo in their supply drawer.
Pish to you, I Like Cheese. It wasn't raining when we left the house.
And Clint, don't glare at the secretaries today....it's secretarie's day.
Quin... You're assuming I don't do that already.
Girlfriend... I ended up not glaring at them, but not because of a bullshit holiday. I didn't give them the glare because they can hide the bagels if they want to. And I needs my bagels.
How about a poncho? One of those clear ones that the cops wear. That would totally be your style...but only if it has a weird ranch/ketchup stain on it to make the picture complete.
I would give you my rubber yellow rain slicker, but I got it as swag for the Christian Slater classic 'Hard Rain'.
Sentimental value really.
You could always invest in one of these.
It's because you lied when you were 17.
That's the song you were quoting, right?
Johnathan... Not really a poncho sort of guy. Much more of a "complaing about everything but do nothing to fix it" sort.
Big Daddy... Hard Rain. Damn, I haven't thought of that movie in a million years.
Oldlady... TOTALLY! Travis rules. Or at least that album did, anyway.
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