Pain In An Unusual Place

So this morning, I was brushing my teeth because I care about dental hygiene and I don't want to end up looking like a fat Shane Macgowan. I'm scrubbing away and everything is pleasant; there's a cool breeze blowing through our apartment and my toothpaste is deliciously minty and everything in general is mellow and calm.

Then, tragedy kicked it's way into the bathroom, roughly grabbed me by the shirt and said, "Hey buddy, let's get it OOOOWWWWNNN!!!!"

What happened was this: I stuck out my tongue for to give it a few cursory swipes with the toothbrush, as is part of my daily mouth-cleansing ritual. When I did this, I guess I over-extended the tongue or something because suddenly all of the muscles under my jaw seized up into a painful knot. You know how you sometimes get a Charley horse in your leg when you stretch weird? It was like that, but right where my chin meets my throat.

It hurt. Bad. It felt like someone had jammed an fork in there and then twisted it around as if my throat muscles were pasta strands that needed to be twirled together to facilitate the eating process. I rubbed the knot frantically for a few seconds until the pain subsided and the muscles loosened. I then vowed never to brush my teeth again if it was going to lead to this kind of torment.

So if we should ever meet, you might want to have some Tic-Tacs on hand because my breath will probably be kickin'.