She Doesn't Love You Anymore
-She asks for the key she gave you to her apartment back. When you hand it over, she jams it in your eye.
-You've gotten very good at dodging thrown wine glasses, expertly-tossed kitchen knives, and mid-sized sedans that attempt to run you down outside your home.
-You see her out on the town with friends, having a great time without you. You then see her in a movie with the same friends, having an even better time. Naked.
-She stops returning your calls. However, she does pay an ex-cop to beat you senseless with your own telephone.
-You go around to her place to pick up some stuff you left there and, while she does give it back to you without a fuss, it is all on fire.
-She asks you to meet her at the restaurant where you and her had your first date. There is a lot of traffic and you arrive late, which is fortunate for you because there are no survivors.
-You break down crying, begging for forgiveness, but this only makes her tighten the chains that hold you securely to the wall.
-She gets a kicky, fun hairdo and a brand new wardrobe that perfectly compliments her newly energized outlook on life as well as her recent sex-change operation.
-You suddenly feel as if you don't exist. This is due partially to her cold, callous attitude, but it's mostly due to the fact that she stole your identity.
-You run into her and her new boyfriend at the mall, which is weird because you know for a fact that your Dad hates going shopping.
-You've gotten very good at dodging thrown wine glasses, expertly-tossed kitchen knives, and mid-sized sedans that attempt to run you down outside your home.
-You see her out on the town with friends, having a great time without you. You then see her in a movie with the same friends, having an even better time. Naked.
-She stops returning your calls. However, she does pay an ex-cop to beat you senseless with your own telephone.
-You go around to her place to pick up some stuff you left there and, while she does give it back to you without a fuss, it is all on fire.
-She asks you to meet her at the restaurant where you and her had your first date. There is a lot of traffic and you arrive late, which is fortunate for you because there are no survivors.
-You break down crying, begging for forgiveness, but this only makes her tighten the chains that hold you securely to the wall.
-She gets a kicky, fun hairdo and a brand new wardrobe that perfectly compliments her newly energized outlook on life as well as her recent sex-change operation.
-You suddenly feel as if you don't exist. This is due partially to her cold, callous attitude, but it's mostly due to the fact that she stole your identity.
-You run into her and her new boyfriend at the mall, which is weird because you know for a fact that your Dad hates going shopping.
posted by Clinton at 9:16 AM
7 Comments:
Wow, are you wearing your new black symbiote Zombie Fights Shark costume today?
Yeah, I don't where that came from. I'm not even feeling particularly gloomy or "dark" today. I guess I just hate love.
Or maybe it's because the coffee hasn't kicked in. Whatever.
Maybe she and your dad were at the mall to get some Arby's®™©™.
Always a possibility. My father's a sucker for the Beef N' Chedder.
~he has his girlfriend call you and tell you it's over between the two of you.
Fucking hysterical. I love you. Maybe. :)
No, you totally love me. Don't fret, though; I'm so darn lovable, it's impossible to resist.
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