Our Brush With... DANGER!!!

Alright, so last night, Girlfriend and I were out for an evening walk. We often do this because we're healthy, activity-minded people who care deeply about getting the proper amount of exercise in our daily lives and, also, there's a really great place to buy cupcakes about twenty blocks South of our apartment. Our jaunt started off pleasantly enough. There was a cool breeze flowing around us, the conversation we were having sparkled with effervescent wit and wise... er... wisdom, I had a mild buzz from the quantity of rum I'd consumed earlier in the evening; it was all the makings one needs for a memorable Springtime stroll.

But there was one ingredient we hadn't counted on... DANGER!!!

After stopping at the cupcake place (Little Cupcake, on 3rd ave; if you're ever in Bay Ridge, do stop by because seriously, yum) we turned around and made our way towards home. Little did we know that we were also making our way towards... DANGER!!!

You know, it's funny how, in the blink of an eye, your life can change. One minute, you're walking arm and arm with the girl you love, enjoying a White Chocolate Lemon Bar from a charming bakeshop and laughing gaily about this and that without a care in the world. And then suddenly, in the next minute, you've stepped out into the crosswalk of an intersection, and even though you're following all the major rules of pedestrian traffic, you nonetheless find yourself staring down the grill of a delivery van driven by... DANGER!!!

Sorry, I'll stop doing that.

But, yes, in the middle of that fated intersection, Girlfriend and I very nearly met our untimely end. We'd made it about halfway across the street when, from off to our left, a white delivery van rounded the corner and began it's vicious course right towards us. As a helpful visual aid, I've drawn an elaborately detailed, gallery-quality sketch of the scene as it played out:



Horrifying, I know. Because Girlfriend and I are both blessed with the reflexes of a jungle cat that's been mixed with an Old West gunfighter who's also a ninja, we were able to leap out of the way just in the nick of time. I turned towards the van, a torrent of cutting expletives erupting from my strong, manly mouth, and I locked eyes with the serial killer (I assume) that was driving the van. His face was a patchwork of scars and lesions and also it was covered in blood. His eyes rolled around in his skull like the fortune-telling device in a Magic 8-Ball. He had a dagger clenched between his rotted, pointy teeth. My swear words did nothing to penetrate his mask of insanity. Thus, I had but one recourse. It wasn't something I wanted to do, you must know this. It was my only option.

As the van drove out the intersection... please forgive me... I hurled the remainder of the White Chocolate Lemon Bar at it's left rear quarter-panel. That the van burst into a hellish fireball and flipped up in the air like an expertly tossed pizza dough was inevitable. I wasn't prepared, however, for the driver to emerge all God-like from the wreckage with his rippling muscles and arms made of swords taunting me into battle.

It's all a bit hazy and entirely fictional, but I'm certain that I was the victor.

So that was my evening. What'd everyone else get up to? Something fun, I hope!