Fighting In Public
One of the side benefits of riding mass transit all the time is, occasionally, you get to see some spectacular relationship drama unfold right in front of you. A man and a woman, usually young and dramatic types, will let their mutual anger boil over during a long ride and what had started out as a boring commute to work suddenly becomes the best 20-something soap opera you've seen since the WB went off the air. They're yelling and screaming and calling each other horribly explicit names and everyone else in the car is trying not look at them so hard they're breaking a sweat.
Personally, I like to stare. And choose sides. And giggle. Because the way I figure it, if you've already committed to throwing down in public, you're just going to have to live with the audience you draw. Besides, we as a collective body of fellow passengers fucking love it when people air out their dirty laundry, figuratively speaking. It's hilarious! And it sure beats the homeless people who quite literally air out their dirty laundry. That's just stinky and it doesn't contain the same schadenfreudian thrills.
Unfortunately, I've got quite a bit of experience when it comes to public fighting. An ex-girlfriend of mine, Sarah (not her real name, yo!), had absolutely no compunction about going toe-to-toe with me in front of our friends, total strangers, my co-workers, her co-workers, while I was getting a physical, over the PA system at a baseball game, etc. She was a vicious one, for sure, and I, being young and stupid, would indulge her by screaming and yelling right back, paying no mind to, say, the man giving the eulogy at the front of the church.
There was one incident in particular that sticks in my mind... This was back when I lived in Austin and, on this particular day, Sarah and I were at my place of employment trying to pick out a movie for us to watch later that evening. For some reason, Sarah wanted me to watch a movie she'd seen already and hated, so we could, her words, "hate it together." This sounded like utter lunacy to me and I said as much. Well, apparently me not wanting to watch a movie that she'd already told me was terrible for the sole reason that we could both be in agreeance on the matter of it's terribleness was one of her rage triggers. We started heatedly debating the situation, me taking the "You're being an idiot" side of the argument and her taking the, if I remember correctly, "I'm a raving madwoman" position. As we both stated our cases, our volume rose. We became the focal point of the video store and, when she started throwing DVD cases at me, the manager (a friend of mine) asked us politely to, "get the fuck out, dude."
So we took it to the streets which, if you're a fan of martial arts movies you'll know, is where all the best fights happen. More room to execute a really perfect jump kick.
Now, keep in mind, this was in a heavily student-populated area of Austin known to residents as West Campus. And, to ensure we had a maximum capacity crowd, it was a pleasantly cool Spring evening at around 6 or 7pm. Optimum time for a stroll and, hey, let's take in these two red-faced, shrieking morons while we're out on the town! I bet one of them threatens to call the police on the other! Oh, what fun!!!
Yes, Sarah did at one point threaten to call the police on me. Why? Can't say. I think she wanted everyone that was watching (a crowd that could be compared favorably to that in attendance at a boat show or a police auction) to think that I was a dangerous guy. Maybe she was hoping one of the thick-necked, jock-ular types would step manfully from the audience and give my doughy frame the thrashing it so richly deserved for not wanting to watch a shitty movie for the sake of it's shittiness. Whatever the reason, it didn't work, what with everyone, rightly so, preferring to watch us make asses of ourselves and all.
We carried on for a good twenty minutes before she finally decided that the dramatic, stomp-off was the punctuation mark she was looking for. I, in a rare burst of common sense, elected not to follow her, choosing instead to find a bar and have the entirety of it's liquid contents brought to me one glass at a time until my memory of the evening's events was wiped clean.
My point is, essentially, I've soooo been there. Fortunately, things are different these days. Girlfriend abhors public displays of anger as much as I do; more so, even. It's a nice change, though I hate to think of all the poor, bored commuters who've been deprived of some mid-journey entertainment.
Ah well, I'm sure they'll deal. And if not, I'd be happy to fight with them about it. Shall we say the R Train at 5pm?
Personally, I like to stare. And choose sides. And giggle. Because the way I figure it, if you've already committed to throwing down in public, you're just going to have to live with the audience you draw. Besides, we as a collective body of fellow passengers fucking love it when people air out their dirty laundry, figuratively speaking. It's hilarious! And it sure beats the homeless people who quite literally air out their dirty laundry. That's just stinky and it doesn't contain the same schadenfreudian thrills.
Unfortunately, I've got quite a bit of experience when it comes to public fighting. An ex-girlfriend of mine, Sarah (not her real name, yo!), had absolutely no compunction about going toe-to-toe with me in front of our friends, total strangers, my co-workers, her co-workers, while I was getting a physical, over the PA system at a baseball game, etc. She was a vicious one, for sure, and I, being young and stupid, would indulge her by screaming and yelling right back, paying no mind to, say, the man giving the eulogy at the front of the church.
There was one incident in particular that sticks in my mind... This was back when I lived in Austin and, on this particular day, Sarah and I were at my place of employment trying to pick out a movie for us to watch later that evening. For some reason, Sarah wanted me to watch a movie she'd seen already and hated, so we could, her words, "hate it together." This sounded like utter lunacy to me and I said as much. Well, apparently me not wanting to watch a movie that she'd already told me was terrible for the sole reason that we could both be in agreeance on the matter of it's terribleness was one of her rage triggers. We started heatedly debating the situation, me taking the "You're being an idiot" side of the argument and her taking the, if I remember correctly, "I'm a raving madwoman" position. As we both stated our cases, our volume rose. We became the focal point of the video store and, when she started throwing DVD cases at me, the manager (a friend of mine) asked us politely to, "get the fuck out, dude."
So we took it to the streets which, if you're a fan of martial arts movies you'll know, is where all the best fights happen. More room to execute a really perfect jump kick.
Now, keep in mind, this was in a heavily student-populated area of Austin known to residents as West Campus. And, to ensure we had a maximum capacity crowd, it was a pleasantly cool Spring evening at around 6 or 7pm. Optimum time for a stroll and, hey, let's take in these two red-faced, shrieking morons while we're out on the town! I bet one of them threatens to call the police on the other! Oh, what fun!!!
Yes, Sarah did at one point threaten to call the police on me. Why? Can't say. I think she wanted everyone that was watching (a crowd that could be compared favorably to that in attendance at a boat show or a police auction) to think that I was a dangerous guy. Maybe she was hoping one of the thick-necked, jock-ular types would step manfully from the audience and give my doughy frame the thrashing it so richly deserved for not wanting to watch a shitty movie for the sake of it's shittiness. Whatever the reason, it didn't work, what with everyone, rightly so, preferring to watch us make asses of ourselves and all.
We carried on for a good twenty minutes before she finally decided that the dramatic, stomp-off was the punctuation mark she was looking for. I, in a rare burst of common sense, elected not to follow her, choosing instead to find a bar and have the entirety of it's liquid contents brought to me one glass at a time until my memory of the evening's events was wiped clean.
My point is, essentially, I've soooo been there. Fortunately, things are different these days. Girlfriend abhors public displays of anger as much as I do; more so, even. It's a nice change, though I hate to think of all the poor, bored commuters who've been deprived of some mid-journey entertainment.
Ah well, I'm sure they'll deal. And if not, I'd be happy to fight with them about it. Shall we say the R Train at 5pm?
posted by Clinton at 9:16 AM
16 Comments:
I have a six string acoustic guitar named "Sarah".
I do most of my songwriting on her.
What was the shitty movie Sarah wanted to rent?
Lioux... I hope your guitar doesn't want to fight with you in public.
Jeff... It was the Denzel Washington movie "John Q." Again, I have no idea why.
Alcohol heals all wounds. Is John Q the one where he hunts down Russal Crowe who is a computer program of some kind?
I know this has nothing to do with the topic but as a fellow baseball fan, i thought you might find this pretty cool. Classy move by MLB for allowing them to do this. Follow the link or copy and paste or whatever.
http://d.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/rids/20070418/i/r2877489024.jpg
Midwesterner... No, it's the one where Denzel holds a hospital hostage so his kid will get a heart transplant. Or something. I never did see it.
Scott... That is VERY classy and way cool; very unlinke the way the MLB usually conducts it's business. Thanks for sharing, dude!
I've never fought with my wife in public. She'd win and then I'd be left standing there as all the women in the crowd gather round and say, "What were you thinking? Of course she's right! How long have you been married?"
You're a wise man. The only thing that would come from that situation is a lot of shin-kicking. And no one likes shin-kicking.
I know they still let the Mets wear the first responder hats (NYPD, FDNY, etc...) but they wouldn't let Craig Biggio wear his charity pin on his hat during batting practice. I cant quite figure out the method to their madness!
Scott... I think it's all a matter of what they percieve as "national importance." Biggio's charity isn't in the headlines right now (or whenever it was), but the shootings at Virginia Tech, as well as, obviously, 9/11 were. Very much so. To the point where, if a team wanted to show it's support, it would make the MLB look unbelievably bad were they to say no.
Oh man. I have been 'Sarah' on many occassions. Replete with the storming off. Usually because I was drunk though.
I try very hard to not do that anymore. It's hard though; nothing beats a good dramatic exit.
Which is why I have switched to drinking beer in public.
A wise move, I'd wager.
One night during a marathon argument with my ex-"Sarah", I had the realization that it was stupid to sit there and argue and the whole relationship was retarded, so i got up and walked out. Long story short, she jumped on the hood of my car and punched the windshield. It didn't break or anything, but man, for a second she looked like a Phillipino TJ Hooker.
Whoa! That's a good one. I had a girlfriend throw a bottle of wine at my head one time, but jumping on a car and punching the windshield's way got that beat.
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