What I Look For in a Woman: Then & Now
-A modern-day Annie Hall; someone one wacky and weird, but with a unique perspective on life.
-Inherent beauty like some sort of Italian painting ripped off the wall of a museum; perfection isn't necessarily key, but being within spitting distance would be a major plus.
-Killer CD collection; we should be able to swap life-changing mix tapes back and forth until one of us dies a tragic death set to an obscure Joy Division B-side.
-The sexual appetite of that chick from Species, but without all the chest cavity puncturing.
-An intellect that both challenges and stimulates me; a deep love of trivia is sexier than all the lingerie in every Frederick's of Hollywood franchise across the USA.
-A tolerance for alcohol that rivals my own, if not surpasses it. Think Nicholas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas, but as a foxy lady sans the death wish.
-Her own place, so I don't have to move anything in my apartment.
-A fondness for splitting a pint of Ben & Jerry's while watching lengthy marathons of TV episodes on DVD.
-A bad relationship with her parents, so I don't have to meet her parents.
-Two arms, two legs, and at least 90% of all fingers and toes (I'm flexible on this one).
-Must be okay with me keeping my shirt on during sex. I don't want to, in the heat of the moment, confuse my boobs with hers. Very embarrassing.
-A preference towards being "the little spoon."
-A relaxed attitude towards farts (she's allowed to fart too; my relationships are a two way street, gas-wise).
-A hatred for other people that matches my own.