Friday, January 08, 2010

Friday Afternoon Hodgepodge

That's right... the 'podge is back. And there was much rejoicing. Or, rather, a slight flicker of recognition followed by a pang of nausea, finished off with a wave of sleepiness that leaves you half-lidded and drooling onto your keyboard/schmancy mobile device. Sorry I made you ruin your iPhone!!! I will not reimburse you.

(I will let you play with my Droid, though)

("Droid" is what I call my penis)


I've been putting a lot of serious thought into this whole "starting my own cult" thing and, yeah, I think it's going to happen. Give me a couple of days to iron out the details... securing a compound, writing up the commandments, getting a full-body wax so I'll be ready for the minions (you) to bath me in scented oils... and I'll get back to you on how to join up. There's going to be membership cards!!!

Also, if someone wants to go to the trouble of Photoshopping my face into a picture of Jesus, that would help me out a lot. I've been trying my best with MS Paint, but it looks raggedy and that simply WILL NOT fly when you're trying to convince people that you're the second coming of God's #1 Son.

No hanging-off-the-cross shots, though. We're an upbeat cult and crucifixion is so not on.


At some point in the past few days, most likely during a drunken stumble to the ghetto convenience store next to my apartment complex, I picked up a large can of something called "Joose." It appears to be a malt beverage of some sort, and one with an ALC/Vol of 9.9%. It looks very... oh... let's call it "ethnic." Anyway, I'm going to be taste testing it later on in the week right here on this very blog. If it's tasty, it may become my cult's holy water (though how it will ever beat the current candidate... bottom-shelf whiskey... is a mystery).


I've started watching The Wire and it's GOOD, man. Holy crap, is it good. I'm still not quite sold on its Best! Show! Ever! reputation, but... then again... I'm only on the first season. I will say this, though: Dominic West, who plays Det. Jimmy McNulty, has officially knocked Christopher Meloni's Elliot Stabler off the pedestal marked Law Enforcement-Themed Man Crush. I don't want to make gay babies with him or anything, but I do want him to save my life and then take me out for an ice cream sundae. And I want him to feed me that sundae. That's not weird, is it?


To close out the week, here's a little wistful, British, dance rock for you. It's a band called Bloc Party and the song is, "I Still Remember." It makes me feel like I'm leaving a party in the 80's but I accidentally stumble into a time machine and come through a wormhole twenty years in the future where all my friends have died from overdoses and the baseline global emotion is "the gloomies." But in a good way.



Blogger Meat Sweats said...

Will the membership cards come with one of those little tags for your key chain?

3:58 PM  
Anonymous Big Jed said...

You have been sorely missed, my friend. Welcome back and keep blogging!!!!

4:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bookmarked this. Show one's gratitude you after sharing. Positively worth my time.

11:08 AM  
Blogger Yeah, Its me said...


I have only one thing to say. BEWARE THE JOOSE. Want to talk about some serious SERIOUS acid reflux from the sugar content, not to mention the hideous event that will be the next mornings shit. UGGGHHHHH for the love of God! Run away from the JOOSE!

11:22 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Meat... Nah, though if you flash your membership card at my apartment, you WILL get a free beer. And a restraining order, because HOW DID YOU FIND MY PLACE???

Big Jed... I appreciate that. It's good to be back.

Anon... Thanks, you oddly worded stranger, you!

Yeah... Well, that sounds like fun. But, hey, I love a challenge. Plus I bought the goddamned thing; might as well get some use out of it.

12:58 PM  
Blogger Yeah, Its me said...

let us (me) know how it all went in your Joose fueled saturday night/sunday morning.

10:30 PM  
Anonymous Amy said...

i don't mind that they feel secure enough to drink froufrou drinks in a public place...i just know that there would be no way i'd take any of them home. a girl's gotta have standards.

6:02 PM  

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