Monday, September 14, 2009

VMAs or Celebrity Halloween?

Lady Gaga as...



...the craziest relative from the side of your family that's fictional and Victorian and part bird.

Joe Perry & Katy Perry as...



...a recently unearthed Greek myth about a glam rock skeleton that turned the wide-eyed town virgin into a spandex whore. Side Note: Are they related? Not because their last names are the same, but because they're both gross in exactly the same way, like a used condom in a nightclub urinal?

Leighton Meester as...



...a magical 70's disco ball that comes alive when you sprinkle it with cocaine.

Kanye West & Amber Rose as...



...a five year old dressing up like what he thinks "coolness" might be and his imaginary robot buddy that sometimes touches him in his area even though the very thought of it makes his stuffed animals barf.

Taylor Swift as...



...a shimmer angel that puts all your bad moods in a box and throws them into a lake, then you have a picnic lunch of snuggles and kisses that mean something. P.S. She smells like a flower that bakes sugar cookies.

Janet Jackson as...



...the newly-christened "crazy one."

Jack Black as...



...the exact moment in time when the whole world got over Jack Black.

Madonna as...



...your Mom's divorced friend who heard about the concept of being "a cougar" from a TV show and went fucking nuts at Filene's Basement because, well, being a cougar doesn't mean you can't still shop at a place with good deals on outerwear.

Pink as...



...a masculine Troll doll wearing the floor mat from my 1992 Jeep Wrangler.

Lady Gaga... again... as...

...a joke, right? A big fucking joke on all of America, like a female Andy Kaufman or something? Because if she's a real thing that's really like this, we need to shut down the TVs and the radios and turn the Internet off and move out into the forest where we can harvest the land for the next fifty years or so. A few decades of hard labor will whip the Lower East Side art student crazy right out of anyone. It's hard to dress like a scream queen Phyllis Diller when you're trying to get the cabbage harvest in before sundown, as that's when the wolves come...

3 Comments:

Blogger lacochran said...

"...a masculine Troll doll wearing the floor mat from my 1992 Jeep Wrangler."

HaHaHaHaHa! Perfect!

7:41 AM  
Blogger Bill From Gainesville said...

Madonna is still hot even at fifty and even with her outerwear...

10:49 PM  
Blogger Sonny Amou said...

What lacochran said. I laughed out loud at the Pink/troll/jeep snark.

7:50 PM  

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