Wednesday, August 26, 2009
I stumbled on to some confounding graffiti the other night while drowning my myriad sorrows in a local bar called J. Gilligan's. I thought maybe you smart, with-it kids could help me suss out its meaning, if there's a meaning to be had at all. So... um... here it is:
Possible Meaning #1 - Maybe the author means it like, "I'll get you Dorothy, and your little dog, too!" Perhaps there's some sort of Supervillian running around Arlington, TX that goes by the moniker, "Pussyface," and maybe his arch-nemesis just happened to be pooping in the bathroom of J. Gilligan's and thought, hey, if Pussyface ever came in here to unload some brewskis, it would totally fucking blow his mind to see that I've been here too and that I was thinking about how I'd get him one of these days. Suffice to say, Pussyface's arch-nemesis had had a few brewskis of his own. And... yeah... I guess it could be the other way around. Maybe Pussyface is the hero and he had just foiled a Supervillian's dastardly deed (at J. Gilligan's, which I guess would amount to stealing someones Irish nachos and/or knocking over a pitcher of Miller Light) and as said agent of evil escaped into the night, he took a few seconds to pop into the men's room and scrawl out his final taunt. Why he wouldn't just scream it as he peeled out of the parking lot is a mystery, but I guess it does get kinda loud in there, especially on karaoke night.
Possible Meaning #2 - Maybe the author means it like, "Hey man, I'll get you some crack if you want to smoke lots of crack but don't know where to get the crack." But something tells me there's probably not a hard street drug out there called, "Pussyface." Just doesn't sound right. So the only logical conclusion one can arrive at is that there's a breed of mutants here in Arlington, TX that have vaginas on their faces and they cater to a very specific crowd of fetishists who enjoy fucking them on the down-low, which is why the suppliers can only communicate with the tricks via graffiti in the bathrooms of low-rent bars. Very Clive Barker, but with shots served in Dixie cups and an overwhelming feeling of sadness. Yeah, that's probably it.
Possible Meaning #3 - Some drunk guy wandered in with a Bic and thought it would be funny to write the phrase, "I'll get u pussyface" on the wall while he pissed on his Adidas and thought about how the waitress calling him "hon" probably means she wants to bang.
No, wait... that's ridiculous...