Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Five Liters Of Love

Today is Girlfriend and I's two-year anniversary.

Now, on ZFS!, I've gone to great pains to avoid the gloopy, sappy, frankly uninteresting posts about how much Girlfriend and I are in love, how sweet and wonderful she is to me, how she's my only only, etc. No one, I'm fairly certain, wants to hear about another person's relationship and how good or bad it might be. When I do mention Girlfriend, it tends to be in reference to something she and I did together or, more often, how I've treated her horribly and, thus, how I remain baffled at why she continues to put up with my bullshit. In our private, non-blogged life, Girlfriend and I are just as romantically gross as anyone else, but when we're in the public eye we like to keep the slobbering all over each other, verbally or otherwise, to a minimum... we don't like being that couple.

I say all of this because I don't want you to think you're about to read an embarrassingly overwrought post about hearts and flowers and souls mingling until they become one and whatnot. You're not, because that's not the kind of thing I write, nor is it the kind of thing that Girlfriend would want me to write. As I said, that's not our particular bag of donuts.

However, as it is our anniversary, I feel that I'd be remiss if I didn't mention at least in some way how cool it is to have dated Girlfriend for these last two years. So here's what I'm going to do... I'm going to show you, my wonderful and sharply-dressed readers, just how much Girlfriend "gets" me. From that, you can extrapolate my feelings for her, her feelings for me, and where we fit into the grand scheme of each other's lives.

So, enough preamble... here's what Girlfriend got me for our anniversary:

Your eyes do not deceive. That's a five-liter keg of Heineken beer, which was waiting for me in the fridge (accompanied by a lovely note) when I got home from work.
Do you see what I mean? She "gets" me, more than any other girl I've ever been with. Because there is no better way to mark a relationship milestone, no greater gift from a woman to a man, than the gift of a large, frosty quantity of beer. You know that part at the end of How The Grinch Stole Christmas, when his heart grew so much that it burst the little cartoon X-ray thingy? Yeah, when I opened the refrigerator door last night, my heart did the same thing.
Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you guys and, to a lesser extent, brag that I've got a lot of beer right now and I'm going to drink it all while laughing like a billionaire shutting down a factory in the Midwest. In fact, I'm sipping a glass of said malty goodness as we speak!
And it tastes like love.
Also beer.
NOTE: I took the day off of work so Girlfriend and I could hang out; I'll be around, but not a whole lot, so feel free to talk amongst yourselves.


Blogger Colleen said...

Awwww, you guys really ARE in love! It's 11:14, is any Heineken left?

11:16 AM  
Blogger Sally Tomato said...

Not to get all grammar gestapo on you, but it's "girlfriend and *my* 2-year anniversary", not I's. Sorry, but had to do it.

That said, Congrats! It's a lovely day! Make like Potter 7 readers and finish off that Heinie in under 24 hours.

11:23 AM  
Blogger Mr. Shain said...

that's a whole lotta heinecake!

11:30 AM  
Blogger brookLyn gaL said...

Wow. If men bought me 5 liter kegs of Heineken, maybe I'd consider dating more.

11:59 AM  
Blogger Jeff said...

No doubt about it, she is a keeper.

Happy Anniversary!

12:09 PM  
Blogger Ross said...

"How do I love you? Let me count the glasses..."

12:32 PM  
Blogger threetoedsloth said...

WOWZA, how long does one of those last? That's the best idea. And how'd she get it home from the store??

I wonder if they make a cheapo PBR version. My man and I keep getting 12-packs at the supermarket, but those don't last at all.

1:08 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...


1:20 PM  
Anonymous highonmoxie said...


i'm with brooklyn gal; if men bought me presents like that, maybe the dating scene would start looking up again!

1:34 PM  
Blogger Irish and Jew said...

I heart girlfriend.
And i'm pretty sure she "gets me" too!


1:42 PM  
Blogger blythe said...

you guys are melting my cyborg heart. congrats!

2:46 PM  
Blogger stewpid said...

this melts my heart, too, but then the frosty cold beery goodness ices it right back up again. I have brain freeze.

congrats, you two. may your time together be as harmonious as Mickey and Minnie, cupcakes and frosting, Posh and Becks (except without either of you boning your Spanish assistant), chips and queso, beer and more beer, over-the-counter allergy pills and white wine. Mazel tov!

3:33 PM  
Blogger lioux said...

Totally, Congrats!

Maybe next year you'll get SEVEN AND A HALF liters!

3:38 PM  
Blogger Braden said...

Tonight's Episode:
"Driving Under the Influence ... of Love!"

You crazy kids ... congratulations!

4:05 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Colleen... Totally. Also, I've kind of lost track of how much we've drank, but it's been a LOT.

Tomato... Hey, you try being all grammatical after you've had three glasses of beer before noon on an empty stomach. And what's this "Harry Potter" that you speak of? It is like a Furby?

Mr. Shain... You bet your sweet bippy it is!

BrookLyn Gal... I'll be sure to bring that up at the next meeting.

Jeff... Thanks, dude. And isn't she just?

Ross... Dude, I want that on a t-shirt like yesterday.

Sloth... Girlfriend says that it was a struggle, but worth it. Also, it stays fresh for 30 days, but I doubt in this house that it will last that long. Dunno about PBR; if not, give it time. Progress marches on.

Big Daddy... Thanks dude!

Moxie... Again, thanks. I'll add your request to BrookLyn Gal's for the next agenda.

Irish... You trying to make time with my gal???

Blythe... Thanks! Someday, maybe robots can feel love too.

Stewpid... We totally bone our Spanish assistants. Or, rather, the mexican guys who work at the deli down the street. It's what keeps our relationship strong.

Lioux... Gracias, dude. And god, I hope so. OH! I totally got my Sister Kisser CDs from you the other day. I haven't listened to them yet, but soon... soon...

Braden... She drunk-drove my heart straight over the legal limit.

10:45 PM  
Blogger CJ said...

Damn... lucky lucky guy.

I'm not a fan of love... but with action like that... it'd be hard not to come around.


4:40 PM  
Blogger DrunkBrunch said...

I'm behind in my blog reading, but dropped by to say damn, that's just beautiful.

Does she have a brother? I kid.

Congrats to you both!

10:21 PM  

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