Ten Things I Find Creepy
NOTE: This is not counting clowns or ventriloquist dummies or anything like that that's totally obvious. Because there's creepiness everywhere, don'tcha know.
1. Waking up to find that someone is watching you sleep - Can you believe that some people actually think this is romantic. Freaks. If you're watching someone sleep, it means you're about thirty seconds away from trying to cut out their kidneys, whether you want to or not. It's that creepy.
2. Midgets - Insensitive? Yes. Does that change the fact that they're creepy? No.
3. People with gauges in their earlobes - Ick. Nobody wants to look at your weird, gummy flesh. I used to work at a video store where at least half of our clientele sported these abominations and every day behind the counter was one long case of the willies.
4. Stairwells - Yes, they get you from one floor of a building to another. But also, they're where perverts and killers lurk. Especially the dimly lit ones, like the ones in my office that lie between me and the candy machine.
5. "Blue Bayou" by Roy Orbison - For some reason, I'm pretty sure this is the song that's going to be playing on the radio when I get horribly murdered.
6. People who fanatically collect things - Unless it's records, it's creepy. Fortunately, we have the Food Network to keep track of these people, like that one woman who has every single piece of merchandise that's ever been produced with the Pillsbury Doughboy on it. The police need to check her crawlspaces for mummified bodies.
7. Walls that drip blood - Okay, this hasn't technically happened to me. Yet. But when it does, I'm sure I'll be sufficiently wigged.
8. Ants - (Involuntary spasms) There's just so many of them, swarming, hunting, lusting for the taste of human flesh. I assume. My feelings on the subject may be tainted by a childhood game of Hide N' Seek where I hid, accidentally, in a red ant bed, but probably not.
9. People who don't own a TV - What the fuck are you hiding? I mean... at home at night... what do you do??? Lop off peoples heads and put on puppet shows, that's what.
10. Those "number" stations on the radio - They may not have these any more, but I remember when I was a kid running through the stations on my portable radio and landing on a couple that were just broadcasting recordings of a dead-voiced woman reading numbers in Spanish. They always sounded far away and echo-y, and they always chilled my blood.
1. Waking up to find that someone is watching you sleep - Can you believe that some people actually think this is romantic. Freaks. If you're watching someone sleep, it means you're about thirty seconds away from trying to cut out their kidneys, whether you want to or not. It's that creepy.
2. Midgets - Insensitive? Yes. Does that change the fact that they're creepy? No.
3. People with gauges in their earlobes - Ick. Nobody wants to look at your weird, gummy flesh. I used to work at a video store where at least half of our clientele sported these abominations and every day behind the counter was one long case of the willies.
4. Stairwells - Yes, they get you from one floor of a building to another. But also, they're where perverts and killers lurk. Especially the dimly lit ones, like the ones in my office that lie between me and the candy machine.
5. "Blue Bayou" by Roy Orbison - For some reason, I'm pretty sure this is the song that's going to be playing on the radio when I get horribly murdered.
6. People who fanatically collect things - Unless it's records, it's creepy. Fortunately, we have the Food Network to keep track of these people, like that one woman who has every single piece of merchandise that's ever been produced with the Pillsbury Doughboy on it. The police need to check her crawlspaces for mummified bodies.
7. Walls that drip blood - Okay, this hasn't technically happened to me. Yet. But when it does, I'm sure I'll be sufficiently wigged.
8. Ants - (Involuntary spasms) There's just so many of them, swarming, hunting, lusting for the taste of human flesh. I assume. My feelings on the subject may be tainted by a childhood game of Hide N' Seek where I hid, accidentally, in a red ant bed, but probably not.
9. People who don't own a TV - What the fuck are you hiding? I mean... at home at night... what do you do??? Lop off peoples heads and put on puppet shows, that's what.
10. Those "number" stations on the radio - They may not have these any more, but I remember when I was a kid running through the stations on my portable radio and landing on a couple that were just broadcasting recordings of a dead-voiced woman reading numbers in Spanish. They always sounded far away and echo-y, and they always chilled my blood.
posted by Clinton at 2:19 PM
12 Comments:
Linda Rondstat's 'Blue Bayou' haunts me to the day I die. I LOATHE that song.
Yeah, that song's nowhere near as creepy/cool as Roy's version. Her's is more limp and whiny than anything.
Yes.
I find most of these things creepy too.
Hmmm.
I wonder what song will be playing on the radio when I get horribly murdered.
What about when the national anthem plays on a local station at like 2am and then there's just silence and the flag? creepy, creepy creepy.
Oooh, that's a good one. Very Poltergeist.
What's your feelings on a modern day woman in her 20s named "Ruth"?
As far as creepiness goes? I'd say that's pretty low. Unless I'm missing something.
A woman in her 20's named 'Ethel', would be kinda creepy.
That, or 'Sylvia Plath'.
Agreed about the national anthem! That one gives me chills. What is this you speak of with the numbers in Spanish? That sounds horrifying.
Ha! I'm NOT crazy! If it's on Wikipedia, it must be true. Or true enough. This is a pretty good definition of what those crazy numbers stations were/are:
Number stations: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Number_stations
I think seeing a middle aged man with a girl in her 20s is creepy. When i was skiing in Stowe there was this balding guy in tight snowpants clutching the ass of a girl my age, they looked like father and daughter.
Of course my sister and I followed them on the mountain the whole day. Turns out he drove a hummer and wore a helmet skiing. ew.
-Jew
Yeah, that's creepy... until I, personally, become a middle-aged man. Then, suddenly, it's perfectly reasonable.
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