Erin Go Meh
This may come as a bit of a shock to you regular readers, but, despite the fact that I'm as big a booster of alcohol as you're likely to find, I'm not a big a fan of St. Patrick's Day. Don't get me wrong, when I was a younger man, I used to spew green vomit with the best of them; now though, not so much.
A big part of my shift in opinion comes from the fact that I'm exactly 0% Irish. We're talking a complete lack of Irish-ness, here. Not even a wee drop. The closest I've ever come was having an Irish best friend in high school and that, for sure, isn't very close at all. So, because of that, I feel a bit silly whooping it up in a large, foam Leprechaun hat on a day that's not really meant for me. Now, if you're someone who is Irish, or even part-Irish, I say: "Tear the motherfuckin' city down!" It's your day, dudes. If they had a national holiday celebrating fat guys, you'd have to pull my wasted ass off the roof of a city bus before I started mooning people. My point is this: I don't enjoy feeling like a poseur.
My second issue with St. Patrick's Day is more of a personal one; I really, really, really, really, really, really don't like crowds. Sure, if I'm going to a concert or something, I can deal, but there are few things I hate more than being jammed in a packed bar with a bunch of fratly types all going, "WOOOOO!!!!" Maybe that makes me totally anti-social and maybe that makes me lame; don't care. Parenthetically, most of the people that you find crammed into bars on St. Patrick's Day are about as Irish as I am. Which only makes it worse.
My third and final reason is really the main one... I don't care for the "have-to"-ness of St. Patrick's Day. I've had numerous people over the years say to me, essentially, "But it's St. Patrick's Day, you have to go drinkin' man." Well, sorry, but I don't have to do a goddamned thing. My drinking doesn't need to be done on a specific day, thanks, because I'm not a fucking teenager. Drinking is for all days, period. This reason, I'll admit, may stem from a larger problem that I have with being told what to do. Still, I think it's relevant.
Anyway, all of this is a roundabout way of saying that last night, Girlfriend and I stayed home, got drunk and watched movies. It was the bestest St. Patrick's Day ever!!!
A big part of my shift in opinion comes from the fact that I'm exactly 0% Irish. We're talking a complete lack of Irish-ness, here. Not even a wee drop. The closest I've ever come was having an Irish best friend in high school and that, for sure, isn't very close at all. So, because of that, I feel a bit silly whooping it up in a large, foam Leprechaun hat on a day that's not really meant for me. Now, if you're someone who is Irish, or even part-Irish, I say: "Tear the motherfuckin' city down!" It's your day, dudes. If they had a national holiday celebrating fat guys, you'd have to pull my wasted ass off the roof of a city bus before I started mooning people. My point is this: I don't enjoy feeling like a poseur.
My second issue with St. Patrick's Day is more of a personal one; I really, really, really, really, really, really don't like crowds. Sure, if I'm going to a concert or something, I can deal, but there are few things I hate more than being jammed in a packed bar with a bunch of fratly types all going, "WOOOOO!!!!" Maybe that makes me totally anti-social and maybe that makes me lame; don't care. Parenthetically, most of the people that you find crammed into bars on St. Patrick's Day are about as Irish as I am. Which only makes it worse.
My third and final reason is really the main one... I don't care for the "have-to"-ness of St. Patrick's Day. I've had numerous people over the years say to me, essentially, "But it's St. Patrick's Day, you have to go drinkin' man." Well, sorry, but I don't have to do a goddamned thing. My drinking doesn't need to be done on a specific day, thanks, because I'm not a fucking teenager. Drinking is for all days, period. This reason, I'll admit, may stem from a larger problem that I have with being told what to do. Still, I think it's relevant.
Anyway, all of this is a roundabout way of saying that last night, Girlfriend and I stayed home, got drunk and watched movies. It was the bestest St. Patrick's Day ever!!!
posted by Clinton at 10:01 AM
16 Comments:
For refusing to honor the traditions of my ancestors you have been placed under a geas and now owe me one boon.
Unless, of course, you return me gold.
Clinton,
I'll definitely give you reasons 2 and 3...fratly types going WOO is best left to Jack Johnson concerts and the periphery of Girls Gone Wild videos; not four inches from me in a crowded bar...and being told what to do is only fun for those who pay women with leather bodysuits and riding crops to do so.
However...
As a nearly-all-Irish guy, I gotta say, you may need to get over the "I'm not Irish" thing. Every Oktoberfest, I'm German, because Germany invites me to be German for one day and to drink their beer and to eat their schnitzles. Every Cinco de Mayo, I'm Mexican, because Mexicans invite me to be Mexican for one day and to drink their tequila and celebrate their independence with tacos and fajitas. And damnit, if someone would invite me to be African American long enough to drink whatever one drinks and eat whatever one eats for Kwanzaa, I'd do it.
Likewise, on St. Patrick's...everyone is Irish.
Listen, aside from The Departed, Bono, and the annoying "BRILLIANT!" Guiness ads, the Irish in America haven't gotten a whole lot of press since we turned respectable. This is one time every year when I get to be proud of being Irish, and the one time of year everyone else in the country thinks about the Irish, even if it is only long enough to raise a pint of green-dyed American beer in a dance-bar playing American techno-pop. Sure, it's hardly a documentary on the hardships of the potato famine or a study on the rise of the Irish working class at the turn of the centry...but it's a little celebration of a culture most people can easily ignore the other 364 days of the year.
All that to say...stay out of the bars to avoid the frattys, and stay out of the bars to rebel against authority...but don't skip St. Patrick's because you're not Irish. For one day a year, you are.
Peace,
Justin
Braden... At this point, I'm pretty sure I owe you many, many boons. And you're never getting your gold back. NEVER!!! I'm melting it down so I can make a pair of solid gold pants.
Justin... Now, see, why couldn't have somebody said all of that to me years ago; that's the most eloquently put defense of St. Patrick's Day I've EVER read. Good show, sir. Believe me when I say that your words have been taken to heart.
I'm part Irish and generally I'm with you on this. I also hate crowds and I particularly hate the amateur drinkers who show up on St Patrick's Day. I also stayed home, drank Guinness, and watched movies/TV.
I suck, I just drank Budweiser. But I did drink whiskey, so at least I had that going for me.
damn straight. same goes for idiotic celebrations like 420 (on april 20th).. yeah i smoke bud
no, i'm not going to light up just cause it's april 20th, ya wankin' hipster maggots
oh yeah, and st. patricks is definitely the night of choice for all sorority and frat zealots, so I'd stay home even if name was O'Malley
No i totally agree, i would rather get smashed on a random monday night when no one expects it, than on the day i "have to" get drunk. Keep em guessing, that's what i always say. That, and clown fart. I say clown fart a lot.
-Jew
Thank you for sparing the world even just one puddle of green vomit. You'll be suitably remunerated in the afterlife, I'm sure.
I made up a meme on my blog and tagged you with it. Because you are so good with being told what to do.
Gwiz... There's an official pot smoking day? Weird. That seems like something that was dreamed up by High Times to sell magazines.
Jew... I'm trying to imagine what a clown fart would sound like and all of the possibilities that I've come up with are both hilarious and frightening. Just like the clowns themselves.
Ruth... I like to think that good deeds such as that will sufficiently balance out all the evil shit I've done. Shooting for purgatory here. Oh, and I answered your "meme." It was fun!
Clown farts smell like fear and children's tears.
-J
Awesome! Also, gross.
YEAH! I am with you on this...it's just like New Years and Valentine's Day on the have-to front. That makes 3 have-to holidays in a row. Next is Easter, which is more of a not-qualified or opt-out holiday.
I guess I'm in the "opt-out" camp for Easter in as much as I just don't care.
However, I wouldn't object if someone invited me to an Egg Hunt. Because that would be way fun.
Raised in an Irish family, and having taken step dancing for years, I grew up having to do the whole St. Patty's bullshit. At home, mom would boil corned beef and we'd eat it with a large ass cabbage that had been boiled and quartered. Out in single's land, we had to attend every damn "irish" festival that popped up. Watching a bunch of idiots get drunk and act like fools all in the name of "KISS ME, I'M IRISH!!!" has become to have the same level of intelligence as people who celebrate Black History Month with watermelon and cotton picking.
I'm glad someone, sort of, agrees with me. And as an Irish-American, frankly, I uninvite you to the drink-a-thon.
BOOOOOOOOOO
~Irish
Yeah, yeah...
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