Tonya Harding: Fugly
Back in the day, Tonya Harding looked alright. Not great, of course; not gorgeous or anything, but not bad:
She had that look about her that spoke to a childhood spent sniffing a lot of glue and she definitely reminded one of an IHOP waitress more than anything else, but... still... she wasn't totally without her trashy, trailer park-ish charms. All things considered, she looks like the kind of girl that hangs out in small town bars and who's slept with everybody because she's got ridiculous daddy issues. Slightly busted, but when you're drunk enough, she's not too shabby.
Sweet crap, how things do change:
Yikes. Far be it from me to make fun of someone's appearance but... man! She's starting to resemble ex-New York Yankees manager Casey Stengal and, believe me when I say, that's not a good look for anyone. Including Casey Stengel. So what happened? I'll admit that Tonya Harding has dropped of my (as well as, I assume, everyone else's) radar in the last few years or so. I know she had a "porn" out at one point, or at least somebody had released her wedding night video. I've actually seen some of it and seriously, ew. Also, I think she was involved in one of those Celebrity Boxing things on Fox which, I guess, might explain why she currently looks like she's taken multiple blows to the face.
Otherwise, I've got nothing. It's got to be drugs, right? With her life being what it is, that's pretty much the only destination at which I could see her arriving. Either that, or she just really, really hit the Hostess products hard after her 15 minutes ran out.
Anyway, anyone care to shed some light on this subject? Or do we, collectively, not care? Because I'm good with either.
Thanks to Andrew for showing me the above picture and ruining my breakfast.
posted by Clinton at 9:36 AM
17 Comments:
Back in WHAT day?!
You know, around the time of the infamous knee-whacking. She wasn't too bad then. At least by comparison, anyway.
I Loved, Loved, Loved when she dropped her hot dog on Seinfeld®™©™.
And you said whacking.
I had a huge crush on Tonya Harding when I was 12 <---- Deep dark secret.
I caught her on an Oprah, or something last year.
She said gained lots of weight due to medicinal drugs she is/was taking for some medical condition.
Ah... well, I just made fun of a sick person then. Awesome. I hope Hell's got cable.
I do believe that it is okay to make fun of sick people - as long as it is done on the internet.
Mmm... IHOP pancakes with boysenberry syrup.
Beehive... Duh, I'd forgotten that the internet is like international waters for mocking people.
Big Daddy... Boysenberry? What are you, a Communist? It's maple or nuthin', Mr. Fancy Syrup. This is AMERICA!!!
One time someone told me that I look like Tanya Harding. And then I punched them in the face.
And her "medical" condition is most definitely of the bipolar variety.
Wow I sound bitter. I clearly haven't gotten over being told I look like her. Yeesh.
Cheese... I've never met you, but I assure you that you look nothing like Tonya Harding. Because if that were true, you'd probably have killed yourself already.
Black17... God I miss Waffle House. They had the dopest hashbrowns.
Oh man, sad. Also I think the trailer variety you describe never tends to age well.
You weren't making fun of her, you were making an astute observation. Making fun of her would have been saying something like she now looks like a creepy old man who likes to feel up unsuspecting women.
THAT would have sent you to hell. Maybe. Probably not, now that I think about it. We all knew this was where Tonya was going to end up when she was crying to those judges about the broken lace on her skate.
Although I don't think her problems have anything to do with meth. I've come across a lot of tweakers (working at Starbucks for three years meant that I worked with a whole LOT of tweakers) and they're usually pretty skinny.
This is obviously an opiate addiction mixed with a deep affinity for moonshine.
I also don't think she could afford decent psychiatric drugs. There is no way she has enough money to pay for therapy, and is probably self-medicating and calling it "a medical condition."
She's just bat-shit crazy. And likes some good drugs (can't really fault her for that, though, except at least I don't LOOK like I like drugs).
HEHEHE..... Gillooly.... anytime I get to say that name, I am immediately in a better mood. Seriously, try it!
Colleen... True dat. I've never seen a trailer-dweller past the age of 35 that looked like anything other than an unholy mess.
Katie... And that's what it's all about: Enjoying your vices without detection. It's the moonshine, I tells ya; that stuff treats your body like a car wreck that lasts for YEARS.
Scott... God, I wonder what HE looks like these days???
i stopped reading at tonya harding looked alright...
also, in middle school, my best friend and i recreated the whole ordeal on roller skates (not blades, mind you, we were not that cool) in her driveway to Prince's Seven (7). i was tonya (of course) and i beat my white-sequined-leotarded friend with a batton (i was a twirler at the time, but who wasn't?). it's all on tape. must find.
I'm pretty sure Tonya Harding is one of my neighbors. Seriously. She's from this area, and you know how those people never stray too far from the "ones that brung them" (and their respective trailer).
As an aside, I think going up against TH was perhaps the only way in the world that Nancy Kerrigan might look hot and not like the bitchy, horse-faced, self-important ice princess that she undoubtedly is. Ugh. Along with rampant steroid use, both of them epitomize why the Olympics suck these days.
Blythe... Put that tape on the internet and you'll be a star, I tells ya! A STAR!!!
CR... Tell her I said, "What's up?" Also, word on the Kerrigan. She came into one of my father's restaurants in Vegas one time and he said she was a total bitch.
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