UPDATE: Medical Advice From You to Me
UPDATE: Frequent commenter and medical miracle-worker Scott H. has got the solution!!! This is it exactly, and now I know what to do about it. Thanks, dude; should have asked sooner. (I still haven't entirely ruled out alien involvement though. Trust no one.)
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For the last couple of years, it's felt like someone has taken a good-sized nail and hammered it into the heel of my left foot. Not all the time, of course; I'm not in constant pain or anything. It usually hurts the most when I get up and walk around after I've been off my feet for a while (i.e. in bed asleep, or sitting at my desk at work).
My question to you is: What's up with that?
The various theories I've floated are numerous, but I've got it narrowed down to these:
-It's some kind of bone spur. I don't, technically, know what defines a bone spur, but it just sounds like what it probably is. With that line of thinking in mind, it could also be a bone-splosion, a bone razor, or a bone hurts-a-lot.
-The heel-bone is actually broken because of that one time where I kicked a terrorist in the face. This is less likely to be the case because I have never actually kicked a terrorist in the face. Or have I???*
- Alien implant. Why's it always got to be in the neck, huh X-Files? If I were an alien and I was going to put one of my implants in a human, I'd totally go for the heel because who's going to look there? Nobody, that's who. I'm monitoring my own behavior for anything alien-y, so don't worry.
- Someone really did drive a nail into my heel and I just haven't noticed. It's possible, I guess. Certainly sounds like something my enemies would do to try to bring me down. That's right; I've got enemies; too many to mention.**
- It's because of ghosts. Okay, I don't really think that it's because of ghosts, but when I make lists of stuff, I like to have at least five things. Also, ghosts are way to classy to go for the heel. Unlike those aliens, who are all sons of bitches.
So, if anyone could either verify one of the above theories, or could tell me what's actually wrong with me, that would be swell. And if you could be quick about it, that would be swell too. I'm going to have to pee soon and I'd prefer not limp when I walk to the bathroom. Thanks!!!
*No
**I have no enemies; everyone thinks I totally rock
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For the last couple of years, it's felt like someone has taken a good-sized nail and hammered it into the heel of my left foot. Not all the time, of course; I'm not in constant pain or anything. It usually hurts the most when I get up and walk around after I've been off my feet for a while (i.e. in bed asleep, or sitting at my desk at work).
My question to you is: What's up with that?
The various theories I've floated are numerous, but I've got it narrowed down to these:
-It's some kind of bone spur. I don't, technically, know what defines a bone spur, but it just sounds like what it probably is. With that line of thinking in mind, it could also be a bone-splosion, a bone razor, or a bone hurts-a-lot.
-The heel-bone is actually broken because of that one time where I kicked a terrorist in the face. This is less likely to be the case because I have never actually kicked a terrorist in the face. Or have I???*
- Alien implant. Why's it always got to be in the neck, huh X-Files? If I were an alien and I was going to put one of my implants in a human, I'd totally go for the heel because who's going to look there? Nobody, that's who. I'm monitoring my own behavior for anything alien-y, so don't worry.
- Someone really did drive a nail into my heel and I just haven't noticed. It's possible, I guess. Certainly sounds like something my enemies would do to try to bring me down. That's right; I've got enemies; too many to mention.**
- It's because of ghosts. Okay, I don't really think that it's because of ghosts, but when I make lists of stuff, I like to have at least five things. Also, ghosts are way to classy to go for the heel. Unlike those aliens, who are all sons of bitches.
So, if anyone could either verify one of the above theories, or could tell me what's actually wrong with me, that would be swell. And if you could be quick about it, that would be swell too. I'm going to have to pee soon and I'd prefer not limp when I walk to the bathroom. Thanks!!!
*No
**I have no enemies; everyone thinks I totally rock
posted by Clinton at 10:02 AM
15 Comments:
What is your heel bone connected to?
Shinbone. Which is in turn connected to the kneebone, and so on and so forth.
Plantar Fasciitis...... not a doctor but fairly certain this is probably your problem. Happens to basketball players a lot.... I know what a hoops enthusiast you are!
Either way, look it up.
Sounds to me like you're allergic to fish.
That was so awesome of you, scott h.
Beehive... But... but... fish are delicious!!! I refuse to accept that as a possibility. Although, I DID have an unusual amount of sushi this weekend...
Lioux... Scott H. owes me one. I took a bullet for him when were partners on the force. Or was that a movie I saw? Either way, I took a bullet for somebody.
Hey dude.... not a problem. It's amazing what you can learn reading the injury reports in the sports page every day.
And yeah... now we're even. You never took a bullet for me but there was that big girl.. at the bar... you are a saint.
With the amount of sports page reading that I assume you do, you could probably at this point perform reconstuctive knee surgery on just about anybody.
If you decide to take this up as a way to make extra cash, don't forget: It was my idea!
"You're more likely to get the condition if you're a woman, if you're overweight, or if you have a job that requires a lot of walking or standing on hard surfaces. You're also at risk if you walk or run for exercise ... People with very flat feet or very high arches are also more prone to plantar fasciitis."
So like... everyone except skinny guys who float on air?
-Jew
Yeah, if only I were a woman, I'd have hit every single probable cause and my feet would have exploded.
Huh huh. You're gonna look funny doing those exercises to fix your foot boo-boo.
Especially when you consider that I'll be doing those exercises while wearing a prom dress.
Why? WHY NOT!!!
hi clinton...love the blog- just wanted to add to the bits of treatment.... get a tennis ball and put it under your foot (standing is best to put more pressure- but there isnt really a right way to do this, it should just feel good) and roll your foot around on it to release the tension.
hope your on the mend soon.
Aw, you're sweet!!! I'll try that as soon as I can get ahold of a tennis ball. Side Note: This totally reminds me of John McClane making fists with his toes to ease the stress of flying in Die Hard.
Hopefully I won't be called upon to fight terrorists while doing my tennis ball therepy.
Maybe I should send you this!
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