Friday, December 22, 2006

Rumors (High School Edition)*

A guy smoking a cigarette like he just learned last week says...

"Dude, it's totally true. If you go up to Joe Pool Lake after midnight in, like, October, you'll get totally murdered by Satanists. My brother and a couple of his buddies were up there this one time and they saw these dudes, like, killing this chick and wearing robes n' shit. Yeah, right? Totally fucked up. They saw my brother and his buddies and they chased them through the woods and my brother was all like "Holy shit!" They made it to their car, but then the Satan dudes chased them in another car!!! It was some fucked up shit. Anyway, nobody went to the cops because my brother's got an outstanding warrant for that time he got caught mudding out by the stadium and also they had some weed in the car."

A cheerleader who wears a lot of make-up to hide her acne says...

"She's such a slut. I mean, she's my best friend, fer reals, but she did the whole soccer team, like, out on the field. Like in the goal or something. That's why she's pregs. Oh my god, you didn't hear!!! Yeah, she's totally, totally knocked up. I heard from her cousin that her family went batshit when she told her and now she's locked in the First Baptist Church's basement with a guy, like, reading the bible to her twenty-four seven. For. Real. The 'official' story is that she got mono from one of the water fountains in Building D so she can't come back to school, but that's totally not what happened. She's such a slut. Nobody wants to look at her gross-ass fat stomach, anyway. Oh, shut up, here comes her brother. Hey, sexy!!!"

A guy in an FFA jacket who just offered you some "dip" says...

"Son, I never seen shit crazy like this. A couple of ol' boys were playing 'Sweet Home Alabama' in the parking lot and these black dudes got all pissed off and before I knew what was what, they was all fightin' and shit. Then, Bubba Gothrie called his cousin who's in the Klan and then the motherfuckin' Klan like showed up in this truck and everybody was freakin' out and shit. They was all like 'Hey, we're the Klan.' Then Mr. Adams came out and told the Klan guys to, like, fuck off or something and now Bubba's cousin says that the Klan president says they're going to kill Mr. Adams or something. Anyway, you shouldn't 've faked sick that day man, it was totally wild."

*All based on "real" rumors that circulated the halls of Arlington High School from 1996-99. Go Colts!


Anonymous mmyers said...

We, sir, are from the same kind of town. And this is why I skipped the reunion.

I should add that Scott Handler shot a guy trying to break into his house and that's why he's not at school anymore because he's in therapy and that Billy Phiel had sex with his grandmother, she got arrested and he's at Juvy (Juvenile detention) now. Or at least that's what happened 13 years ago.

12:04 PM  

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