Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Confessions Of a Political Idiot

I'm sitting at my computer with two very large, very stern-looking members of the Blog Police standing directly behind me. The one to my left has a very firm grip on the back of my neck and the one to my right has a small-caliber pistol pointed at my temple. Their instructions: "Write about the current political climate, with particular emphasis on the events of today and, also, call Bush a weenie a couple of times. No... call him a Nazi."

I ask them why while I tremble in an entirely manly way.

"Because," they say, menacingly, "you write a blog. On the INTERNET. It is your Desssstiny." Then the guy on my left tightens his grip on the back of my neck and the one on the right grinds the gun into my temple. I stare at the blank Blogger posting form and sweat starts running down my face. My hands tremble. I have to get myself together. Be a man, damnit! My salvation comes when I delude myself that, right now, I look exactly as stoic and macho in the face of imminent doom as Sawyer from LOST did not three hours before as a member of the The Others held a gun to his head. I'm comforted by this (as well as by the thought of Sawyer's dreamy pecs) and I begin:

So... politics, huh? Crazy, crazy politics. The Dems and the Rep... ub...licans. Their name doesn't shorten very well. Which says a lot about their POLICIES!!! Am I right??? Right?

(heavy sigh)

Okay. This is what I know. Tonight, the Democrats have won the midterm elections and now control both the Senate and the House of Representatives for the first time in over ten years. Due in part to these facts, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld resigned his position, which, in essence, is an admission of wrong-doing by the current administrations regarding their policies in Iraq. I know these things because I just spent 10 minutes reading an article on CNN's website. Actually, I skimmed the article while trying to think of a clever way to work tonight's episode of LOST into a post about politics (I should have thought about it harder, probably).

What I'm trying to say here is that I am, politically, an idiot. While I've always aligned myself with the Democrats and the Liberals, I haven't really ever given the "Issues" much thought. Basically, my entire political ideology is defined by two things:

1. Who's less "Jesus-y"


2. Who supports gay rights the best (neither of them do it particularly well, but, you know, at least the Dems don't picket AIDS victim's funerals)

It's not that I don't care about the state of our country; I do. As much as I can. When I have the time. When I'm not too busy worrying about my perpetually tailspinning writing career or keeping my relationship on the high, happy ground, or trying to keep the bills and the rent paid without starving to death. I know that these aren't good excuses; lots of people do this plus a lot more and still find the time to stay active in all levels of our nation's political process. But I'm just... ugh, the only word for it is lazy.

And I feel bad about this. Really. I want to be politically active. I want to have valid, neat-sounding opinions on things other than my Top Five Songs About Getting Drunk. But when it comes down to a day like yesterday, a day when I could make these things happen... I don't do anything. I don't go vote; hell, I haven't even switched my voter registration from Texas to New York and I've lived here for four years. It's a bit pathetic, I know. And what's worse, I don't know how to change. I've even dated girls who were very active, politically, and even they, the ones who shared my bed, couldn't persuade me to Rock The Vote. Not even a little bit. It's like I'm this immovable object of apathy and I really hate that about myself.

Anyway, I guess that's my whiner's bio for tonight. The men from the Blog Police have gone home, disgusted (the gun was filled with water, by the way; they're harsh, but they're still internet nerds). And as soon as I'm done writing this, I'm going to go watch the Food Network until I fall asleep and I probably won't think of politics for a while. Not until it's rubbed in my face again.

I don't think I've ever said this with as much conviction and meaning as I do now: I suck.

And I'm sure all of you with your "I Voted" stickers agree.


Blogger Joel said...

Here's what it boils down to... I was talking about this with a friend at work, and he said it best. This election erases the bitter taste a lot of folks had after the 2000 and 2004 election where it seemed like the popular vote didn't matter a damn. If you didn't live in Ohio or Florida, you might as well not have voted in 2000 and 2004. Well, this time around in 2006, the popular vote definitely mattered, and the national political landscape has been rocked overnight by the power of the voice of the people. For all the things horribly wrong with American politics, it is still nice to know that the fundamentals of democracy are still somewhat alive and kicking.

1:01 AM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

'Sawyer's dreamy pecs'?

Eh, they're ok.

Kate's got a better rack.

10:45 PM  

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