Drinks For Fall

It's getting cold outside, as the more observant among you may have noticed, and with that comes the annual switch from Margaritas, Mojitos and other such summery fare to drinks with a little more body, depth and, of course, enough liquor to make you go blind. It doesn't hurt, either, if they're hot drinks; i.e. made with coffee, hot chocolate, or chai (if you're comfortable being that guy). I would, however, advise against taking this concept to "the next level" and just heating up a glass of whiskey in the microwave, unless you're okay with exploding kitchen appliances flinging hot booze and rocks glass shards at your face.

So, without further adieu, the new line of...

Drinks For Fall:

The Warm Hug

1 part apricot schnapps
3 parts hot water
1 bag of Sleepy Time tea

This is the perfect thing to lull your sainted grandmother into a pleasant nights sleep. You can then raid her purse for ribbon candy, loose meds and pension checks. Warning: Do not drink The Warm Hug if you're under 65 years old. Any younger and you'll suddenly be overtaken by a powerful urge to do the Lindy Hop and to tell your grandkids about how things were back during "The Big One."

The Work Day

1 cup of coffee
2 airplane-bottles of cheap vodka
The ability to pour under your desk and make it look like you're searching for a file

Hey look, you're drinking like a wintery corporate drone! Welcome to the wonderful world of stockpiling breath mints (hider of all shames) and passing off the booze-shakes as "too much caffeine."

The Apple Sui-Cider

2 part Everclear
2 parts hot apple cider
1 shot cinnamon schnapps

This is like a slow walk through an upstate orchard during a crisp November morning. But drunk.

The Creepy Relative

1 Steaming mug of hot chocolate
1 pint glass of peppermint schnapps

Mix both into a largish beer stein. Carry it with you everywhere during family gatherings. Call everyone "Good buddy!" and leer suggestively while under the mistletoe. Get asked to leave around midnight after passing out head-first and pantsless into the tree.

The Snuggly-Wuggly Blanket

1 bottle rum
1 gallon warm milk
Enough Everclear to float at least two inches on top

Wrap yourself up in a snuggly-blanket. Get settled on the couch. Pour the rum and the warm milk into a large bucket. Float the Everclear. Listen to a tape of calming bedtime stories, taking liberal chugs from the bucket at regular intervals. Wake up three days later still wrapped in the snuggly-wuggly blanket. Be careful: This drink's name is ironic. It will destroy you.