Saturday, October 25, 2008

The Stuff We're Into... You Know... Sexually

NOTE: This is a fairly inconsequential post, I'll grant you, but it's something that's been rattling around my brain for a couple of days and... since it's a Saturday and nobody reads blogs on Saturdays... I figured now would be the best time to expunge it from my thought banks. Kind of like blowing up a car out in the desert to eliminate any evidence of Mayoral ties to the gangland-style execution of a notorious Mafioso. Or... something... anyway, so yeah. Here's this:

One of the things that sucks about having normal sexual interests... like, digging butts and boobies and lady-parts and wangs... is that those are the stuff that people, generally, keep covered. Which means you don't get to see them on a regular basis, which, as I said, sucks. Because, and I think I speak for everyone here, those are basically the things we want to look at at least most of the time. Maybe not first thing in the morning, say, or right after we get chewed out by our boss... having a droopy dong or what have you shoved in your face while you're cleaning up your best friend's vomit after a late night of drinking wouldn't be ideal. But you catch my drift: The naughty parts are what we want to see and we can't see them under normal circumstances because of "decency law" bullshit designed by The Man to keep us all puritanical and lame.

So, you know what must be AWESOME? Having a foot fetish. Like, being super into men or women's toes and arches and the tops of their feet and the heel... all that. Don't know how it is where you're at, but... especially during the summer... people in New York are total foot sluts. Flashing their race car-red toenails all sexy in little sandals that leave nothing to the imagination. Can you imagine what that's like for people who get boners or wide-ons over feet? It would be like walking around a nudist colony full of porn stars on Ecstasy for we "normal" folk.

And I put the word normal in quotations because... ARE we normal? We that like the aforementioned covered parts? Maybe we're actually just idiots. We've sexualized the stuff we don't get to see, which is kind of retarded. We should be drooling over necks (ew, not literally) or going hot-pants horny over earlobes or Lambada-ing each other because of some pants-quakingly exposed wrist-meat. What the fuck were we thinking?!?!

Now... okay... I suppose you could make a case for us being all into boobies and butts and wangs and lady-parts because they're covered all the time and we want them because they're a mystery wrapped in an enigma covered in blue jeans or a tasteful sweater. But that is SO not the point.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm going to be all about the toes from now on. It just makes more sense. Foot fetish, ahoy!!!

Oh, wait, feet are disgusting. Never mind.


Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

I’ve been married for quite some time so do you know what would be AWSOME? Sex.

Fair warning.

10:45 AM  
Anonymous Just Asking said...

Is there such a thing as a nose fetish? If so those people have to be horny all the time because even in the coldest weather they are usually peeking out from a bundled up hood.

11:44 AM  
Anonymous JJ said...

"those are basically the things we want to look at at least most of the time. Maybe not first thing in the morning, say, or right after we get chewed out by our boss"

I think I'd be happy if I could see exposed vagina every moment of the day.

12:33 PM  
Blogger jason quinones said...

wide on???

there's a new term to add to the old smut vocab.

12:54 PM  
Blogger Lioux said...

You know...I wasn't going to say anything, Clinton, but I'm kinda 'Gellin' Like Magellan'...down there.

[Winkety Wink]

3:35 PM  
Blogger AndSheWas said...

I happen to have a thing for backs, and since I'm a heterosexual female and dudes can walk around shirtless anytime they want, I totally am way more lucky than heterosexual dudes - haha! Nelson Muntz style.

12:57 PM  
Blogger Todd said...

I dig chicks in boots. It's like the opposite of a foot fetish. I'm also a fan of boobies.

2:23 PM  
Blogger Bill From Gainesville said...

Chicks in sexy heels really makes me think.. Not in a total perve way but I do like that stuff with women. So many women dont wear sexu strappy heels but that is really quite awesome if you ask me. Not better then the legs or the rest of the stuff but still awesome. Call me a perve if you must but I do find that hot.

8:12 PM  
Blogger brookLyn gaL said...

I think part of the allure is that these bits and pieces are covered up most of the time, and it's a special surprise when they're not. Don't know that it would be the same if they were exposed 24/7.

12:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny that the post mentioned necks, becuse that's a major turn-on for me. Nothing gets me hotter then looking at a thick, muscular neck or a guy kissing my own. The best part is that everybody has a neck, and you don't have to be Brad Pitt to have a nice neck.

5:51 AM  

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