Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Granddad Prepares The Gigantic Fruit Anus


I'd really like to think that that's a phrase you've never heard before. ZFS!... breaking new ground with regards to gigantic fruit anuses and their old-man caretakers. This blog makes my parents really proud.
Anyhoo... so... how about that, huh? Fruit anus. Or whatever it actually is. I assume it's not REALLY a fruit anus, because that would just be weird. Don't know if I want to live in world where the elderly are spending their free time constructing sensitive body parts out of produce. I suppose I should use the Google to figure out what's going on here. Okay, let me see what I can find...
(Using the Google)
Okay... wow... you SERIOUSLY don't want to type the words "fruit anus" into a search engine. Yikes. Let's just say there are lot of people out there with some really frightening issues that need to be immediately addressed by the psychiatric community. Though I will admit that I'm slightly impressed with the elasticity of the human butthole. You wouldn't think a pumpkin...
Well, look, I'm getting pretty far afield of my original goal here, which was to find out just what in the hell that old dude is up to with the fruit and whatnot. Turns out, the thing he's building is some sort of religious whatzit for a ceremony or a festival over in Israel. Or Palestine. Or possibly both... Wikipedia was a bit vague. (what are you hiding, Wikipedia?) But no matter, I did find out that it's called a "Sukkah" and so, um, now you've got THAT information at your fingertips, I guess. If you happen to find yourself chilling on the West Bank and some guy you just met wants to show you the giant fruit anus his grandpa made, you won't be alarmed. You'll be all like, "yeah, it's a Sukkah, big whoop." Which is pretty rude of you, considering a stranger invited you into his home to share in his beliefs and possibly make a cross-cultural connection with another person. Way to be a dick.
Whatever. Point is... Fruit anus mystery? Solved. I should totally be a detective, but one that doesn't leave his house or put on pants or technically do anything that a thirteen year old with a rudimentary understanding of the internet couldn't handle. And I'd wear a fedora because I'm the one fat guy who can pull it off without looking like a TOTAL poindexter. Yeah... this is what a good idea sounds like...
C-dog... Ace Google Detective!!!

8 Comments:

Blogger jason quinones said...

"grandad prepares the gigantic fruit anus"

sorry clinton but i heard an old man in cut off denim shorts and a tank top scream that somewhere in downtown chelsea years ago.

10:15 AM  
OpenID popomaticjeff said...

Anus jokes aside, that thing is going to stink if it's left up there too long.

10:32 AM  
Blogger Hex said...

I'm not sure people get this reference anymore (it's kind of an old joke) but the first thing I thought of when i was reading this was

"Armageddon!!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_Jt_g10Jug

11:01 AM  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

Fruit glued to the ceiling?

Made me think of Back To The Future where Marty McFly uses the Fruit Dispenser 2015. :/

12:12 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

lolz made me think about seriously, how'd he do that???

9:18 PM  
Blogger Bill From Gainesville said...

Seriously the value you bring to my life is just off the charts. I never would have known about Fruit Anus or Sukha either... You are a great American

11:09 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Jason... Ba-zing!

Jeff... Ah, I see what you did there.

Hex... I love Bruce Willis.

Digital... Anything that makes one think of Michael J. Fox is a force for good.

Jen... Magic.

Bill... Thanks, dude. I like to think of myself as a patriot on par with... er... other patriots that have done great things. Molly Ringwald, or something.

5:45 AM  
Blogger Quin Browne said...

SO wish i'd read further before i googled 'fruit anus'...


blinding my mind's eye with a needle should help.

7:16 PM  

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