Wednesday, October 08, 2008

The Long Slide Into Hobo-dom: Day One

Last night, because my subconscious is apparently rife with cliched, unoriginal imagery, I dreamed of rising flood waters and waves crashing down upon me as I struggled to breathe. Gee, what the FUCK could that possibly represent, brain? You motherfucking genius of visual metaphor, you! I mean, seriously... SERIOUSLY...

Ugh. Whatever. My brain is so stupid and obvious...

Anyway, so yeah, today is the day AFTER the day of days... Day One of my long slide into hobo-dom, as, you know, I said in the title. Not that I actually think I'm going to end up comparison shopping for bindles or taking classes on how best to cook shoe leather in a rusty tin can out by the railroad tracks; I'm white, under 30, from a good family, and free of any debilitating diseases, physical or otherwise. I've got the world on a string and a song in my heart, at least from a societal standpoint, and sooner or later I'm bound to land on my feet. All of this... I *know* it's true. HOWEVER, there is... the fear. That nagging sensation in the back of your head that whispers to you, "hey, buddy, you're about to become a statistic." The sensation is most common when you're getting behind the wheel of a car on an icy night after doing tequila shooters with Randy and the Toddmonster down at TJ O'McShamrockafellers, but it also shows up, apparently, during times of joblessness that happen to coincide with a national economic freak-out.

The statistic in question? Slipping further and further down the rungs of the ladder of life until eventually droppping off completely, landing in a dumpster that I'll soon come to think of as home. Again, I'm PRETTY SURE I'm not going to end up homeless and addicted to increasingly larger dosages of hard street drugs and grain alcohol. But try telling that to my hateful, uncreative brain... fucking dreams about drowning... what is this, a student film...?

You probably figured this out by now, but... no... there will be no temp work for me today. Probably not for tomorrow either, and Friday is looking shaky as well. I have a financial cushion of about a week, but that's what the kids call, "small potatoes" in the grand scheme of things. Time stops for no man, the landlord demands his monthly check, and the liquor isn't always on sale. So, it's time to be proactive! To dig with both hands into the rich, murky soil of available jobs in New York City and make one of them mine! It's going to happen... no, it HAS to happen. I'd never make it on the streets. If I don't wash it at least every other day, my hair gets all oily and that's sooooo not attractive. Plus, I imagine the novelty of pooping in an alley behind a check cashing place would wear off pretty quick.

So... yeah, guess I better get on with it. The job search, I mean, not pooping in an alley. Although I guess it couldn't hurt to practice...

More later, as free time to blog is suddenly what I'm all about.


Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

You might want to consider opening a PayPal account and placing a one-click contribution link in your blog masthead. Not saying it’ll be that successful, but with a one-week cushion you have to consider all possibilities.

9:17 AM  
Blogger Lioux said...

..."hey, buddy, you're about to become a statistic."...

72.3% of all statistics are made up on the spot, Clinton!

Just sayin'...

9:30 AM  
Blogger Ross said...

Let me know how the alley pooping goes. I've always been curious.

10:16 AM  
Blogger JustinS said...

Try to stay away from the Jake. I hear that stuff can really fuck your shit up.

11:25 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

The UB... I'll think about it, but I'm not ususally one to accept charity (hahahahahahaha!!!).

Lioux... You've been statistically proven time and time again to be AWESOME!!!

Ross... Not so great. Rusty tin cans don't make for good toilet paper.

Justin... The Jake!!! Holy crap, I haven't heard that term in years. You, sir, win today's prize: A bottle of moonshine! (sorry, I drank your prize)

11:36 AM  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

I have no idea what your skills is, other than blogging, but if you as good at it as you are at writing your sure to not turn into Charlie Chaplin.

Just in case though do you need any cardboard boxes and filthy blankets? I've got a surplus of both for some reason.

12:30 PM  
Blogger Subway Gal said...

I totally feel your pain. When I was unemployed everyone kept telling me to "enjoy the time off" and I kept telling them to "shut the f*ck up" because a vacation from work is only nice if you know you have a job to go back to when it's over. You will eventually land on your feet, so as long as you are actively looking for jobs every day you can spend the rest of the day in your pajamas not brushing your teeth or your hair and drinking from a bottle and nobody can say anything.

1:52 PM  

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