Tuesday, September 30, 2008


-Was woken up at 3am by the sound of what I at first assumed to be an assault rifle mowing down those unlucky enough to be wandering around my neighborhood in the wee, small hours of the morning. Turns out... firecrackers. Like, a whole string of them, lit and (I assume) tossed out of a car by a group of kids who were up to no good. Also, one could conjecture that they were getting up to some monkeyshines, as well as shenanigans, tomfoolery, and... given the kids I've seen hanging around my neck of the woods... quite possibly 1st-degree murder. The fact that my block got only an impertinent firecrackin' could be viewed as a blessing. At least we weren't psycho-killed and/or chainsaw-massacred. Still, though, I'm very sleepy.

-The word "monkeyshines" is apparently acceptable to Blogger's spellcheck function, however "Barack Obama" is not. Just sayin'.

-Forgot to pack a lunch this morning (see: sleepy), so I ended up getting a footlong tuna sandwich from Subway. Inside (the store, not the sandwich), there was a female employee... a manager, I guess... screaming at the employees to "pick up the pace" and "move faster, dammit." It was the most shrill Subway experience I've ever had, though I must say that her tongue-lashings proved effective as my tuna sub was magnificent. So vinegary... so tuna-y... so full of a wage-slave's loathing for tyrannical management types...

-Realized about halfway through the day that, um, I kinda smell bad. I overslept this morning so I didn't have time to take a shower, and I think I also forgot to put on deodorant, and all of this is coming after a night of drinking tequila and running hither and yon across two boroughs and capping off the night on a subway car that had already discontinued it's A/C duties for the winter. So... smelly kid in class? C-dog, all the way. Sorry about that, any of you that happen to brush up against me in my cubicle or out on the street or, later on, at home. Parenthetically, how'd you get in my apartment!!! PUT DOWN THOSE FIRECRACKERS!!!

-Couple of nights ago, there was a raccoon on our fire escape. A RACCOON! In the middle of South Brooklyn! I don't even know how to respond to that, other than letting you know that my new Davy Crockett hat looks sharp as a motherfucker and, also, I have some delicious homemade jerky if anyone would like to try some. It's "beef." (not beef)

-Guess that's sort of me for right now. Feeling generally unmotivated to do much of anything. Actually, that's not true... I'm going to knuckle down and finish this bag of Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips to the best of my ability. If that doesn't make me Employee of the Month, then I don't really understand the concept of the whole Employee of the Month thing, I guess. But c'mon it HAS to be about who can eat the most chips in one sitting, right? Because that's the only thing that makes sense. In my brain, anyway. Which, granted, is currently swimming in a lake of $3 margaritas, sleep deprivation, and the resounding, concussive booms a late-night firecracker fun-abration. So maybe I'm not the best judge.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

FWIW, raccoon jerky is great, even if it tastes like chicken.

Catching up from a few posts back, good luck on your new job/job search.


4:39 PM  
Blogger AndSheWas said...

The kids in these parts are hooligans. Like primal animals. But not like gangbangers. I never thought I'd be intimidated by 12 y/o's but I am. We need to take back the streets!

11:20 AM  
Blogger Todd said...

tossed out of a car by a group of kids who were up to no good

Don't worry. They'll start making trouble in your neighborhood, but after one little fight their moms will get scared. She'll send them back to their auntie and uncles in a town called Bel-Air.

1:52 PM  

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