Thursday, September 18, 2008

Brother, Can You Spare 50 Billion Dimes?

Seriously, I'm really freaked out by this whole "economic disaster" thing. Mainly because I don't understand it. Like, AT ALL. It just conjures up visions of me in a year standing on a street corner, crying, wearing a barrel held up by suspender straps while Girlfriend tries to sell apples from a shopping cart and our cat dances for nickles on a TV tray "liberated" from a bombed-out Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

I don't want to be a hobo, dudes. I may admire their fashion choices and agree with them that kerosene is fine for human consumption as long as you've got plenty of mixer, but I CAN'T LIVE ON THE STREETS!!! It's dirty and people spit all over the place and there's stinky garbage and it'll be cold soon and there won't be any old Iron Chef reruns to listen to as I fall asleep. Unacceptable, and I won't have it, and not on my watch, and you and what army, motherfucker!!!

Sorry, I'm a little riled up. I guess my point is that somebody who knows what's going on needs to head over to wherever it is that we keep the economy and FIX THE FUCKING THING! I'll donate five bucks if that will fix it. Will that fix it? Because I've got five bucks right here if that'll make it so I never have to consider the possibility that I might have to sell my body to the night for Ramen money (as opposed to selling my body to the night for fun, like normal).

Please, smart people... get on this. And keep me posted! If shit goes South, I want to get to the good barrels first.

6 Comments:

Blogger Lioux said...

Sounds like someone needs a hug...

And the economy fixed.


[[[hug]]]

There.

I did my part.

1:46 PM  
Anonymous JustinS said...

It will all get better soon. We'll reach a new equilibrium in the coming months and things will steady out. This is just the market correcting itself (or, rather, the market correcting the poor decisions of our Congress deregulating certain industries, followed by the asshattery decisions made by greedy bastards running said companies once they were off the chain).


Oh, that reminds me... I have to check my PowerBall ticket from last night.

1:49 PM  
Anonymous JustinS said...

Shit.

Back to work...

1:51 PM  
Blogger jason quinones said...

i have it on good authority that when the robots rise up to take over mankind that they will fix the economy.

4:55 PM  
Blogger AndShe said...

Clinton, never stop blogging. The fact that I am guaranteed a laugh when I visit - and believe me, this post had me LOL-ing all over the place - is like the only thing I can count on in this world. You are like the pin-up girl of the USO who brightens our war-torn hearts, you are like...you know what, I'm too tired to come up with any more delightful comparisons.

But don't be scared! Rally up and be the bloggiest blogger that ever blogged.

1:19 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Lioux... Hug received, sailor!!! (wink!) <--- that's a sassy wink.

Justin... That's good to here; hope you're correct, sir. Good luck on the PowerBall!!!

Justin... Oooh, sorry...

Jason... I'm sure that's true, but by then it won't matter, as we'll be slaves in their electricity mines. Or whatever. Our blood will fuel their batteries.

And She... Aw, dude, thanks. I will try to be extra-bloggy in the face of adversity. BTW, I would have looked HOT on the nose of an old plane.

7:18 AM  

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