The Power And The Glory Of Do-scuits

Not that you need any more evidence, but here's yet another example of why it totally kicks ass to be me:

Last night, Girlfriend and I were hanging out on the couch, watching a flawed-but-still-moderately-entertaining Jim Carrey hamfest and generally trying to move as little as possible for as long as we could. When the movie ended, I was under the impression that that was pretty much the closing bell; she and I would soon be retiring to the bedroom for a little Family Guy and some really unsatisfying sleep (on my part at least; still sick with this sinus issue), and we could chalk the whole thing up as just another pleasantly low-key evening at home. Goodbye, farewell, and amen.

Oh kids... how wonderfully wrong I was. Girlfriend, it seems, had an ace up her sleeve and it was just then that she decided to lay it on the table.

"I'm going to go cook something."

"Aw, no," I said, a foolish man, "let's just hit the sack."

"Trust me," she replied. "I know what I'm doing." And when I looked in her eyes just then, I saw a spark of genius; it was like staring Eli Whitney in the face at the exact moment that he went, "Hey, A cotton gin... that's the ticket!" She went to the kitchen, wielding purposefulness like a broadsword, and I retired to the bedroom to sit, to wait, to wonder.

Twenty minutes later, she emerged from the kitchen with... wait for it... wait for it... Do-scuits!!!

Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Alright C-dog, just what in the name of all that's holy are 'Do-scuits?' Because they sound like adorable heroes from a Saturday morning cartoon."

Well they're not, smartypants. They're donuts made from biscuits. Oh yes, you heard me... donuts made from biscuits!!! How's your mind? BLOWN? I thought so. Mine was too. Partially by how good they tasted, but also by how easy they were for Girlfriend to whip up. Basically, it's just biscuits from a tube with the middles pulled out, dipped in melted butter, dipped in sugar, then baked in the oven. So simple, yet I've never tasted anything quite like them until last night. Let's focus on the taste for a second... okay, so you know how good biscuits are, fresh from the oven? Amazing, right? Well Do-scuits taste similar, but with a buttery sweetness that's like an impromptu pants-off dance-off with all your best friends after a night of drinking Pixie Stix-laced champagne that's flowing free from a fountain shaped like your favorite memory. But in your mouth. Not to oversell the concept of Do-scuits or anything, but that's exactly what they taste like.

I wanted to show you a picture of them so you'd know... deep, in your heart... how lucky a dude I am, but unfortunately I was too busy cramming the Do-scuits in my face to grab the camera. So here's an artist's rendering that's so photo-realistic, the Do-scuits could use it on their drivers licence:



Angels and Satan agree... Do-scuits are the best!!! And they're so right, it's like a new law or something. A delicious, delicious law.