Let's Take A Look At The Twenty Greatest Songs Of The 90s, According To VH1
NOTE: Last night, while desperately trying to breath out of my nose (no such luck, says my sinuses), I happened to catch the VH1 Special Presentation/Time-Wasting Nostalgic List Show known as The 100 Greatest Songs of the 90s, #s 20-1. Because I was squarely into my music-buying youth during said decade, and because I know more about music than anyone on the planet (the fever is giving me delusions of grandeur!), I feel that this gives me full license to weigh in on their so-called estimable selections. Also, I'm still too sick to think of anything original right now. I'm sure you understand. And away we go...
20. Hanson "MMMBop" - Not getting off to a great start, are we VH1. Okay, now I'll admit that this song is catchy; it's hard to deny that fact when it bores into your brain and sits there like a cotton candy fart for three days, forcing you to hum it's abrasive tune while you're waiting for an elevator, say, or about to perform open-heart surgery. But positing that it's one of the top 20 songs of the 90s is like saying that "Sugar, Sugar" by the Archies was a defining song of the 60s; Patently ridiculous and borderline offensive to people with ears. Excluding burn victims, that's all of us, kids. VH1, and by extension, Hanson, have offended all of us.
19. Beastie Boys "Sabotage" - This is much better and, hopefully, it's the only time the Hanson brothers and the Beastie Boys have ever rubbed up against each other (unless there's a seedier side to Ad-Rock of which we're all currently unaware). "Ill Communication" was an essential album, the video for this roared with fake mustaches and hilarious wigs, and the song itself cried desperately to be on the car stereo while you broke all traffic and speeding laws trying to make it home by curfew. This song is like black, hi-top Chucks; it will never go out of style.
18. Metallica "Enter Sandman" - Can you believe that Metallica doesn't play this song in concert any more? Seriously, I've never seen a band work harder at alienating it's own fans. Yeah, Lars, we're probably coming to see you guys because we're dying to hear the live interpretation of stuff off "St. Anger." Fucking Please. Play "Enter Sandman," play the entire "Master of Puppets" album, and then good day to you. Ah, ah... I said "good day!!!"
17. Destiny's Child "Say My Name" - R&B was never really my bag, but this song was constantly on the radio during my Senior year of high school and, thus, it will always be linked with trying on graduation robes and sweating my math finals because they determine whether or not I'll get to actually walk the stage.
16. MC Hammer "U Can't Touch This" - I assume that this is on here ironically. This song came out in 1990, so granted I might have been a little young to truly appreciate the deep, rich meanings behind such lyrics as, "That's hyped and tight / Singers are sweatin' so pass them a wipe / Or a tape to learn / What it's gonna take in the 90's to burn / The charts legit / Either work hard or you might as well quit." Am I missing something? Was this novelty one-off from a guy in stupid pants really so relevant that it merits inclusion on this list? Or is it actually just that it makes people laugh because it's basically a lame joke with a rhyme scheme?
15. Red Hot Chili Peppers "Under the Bridge" - There's not a more ubiquitous song on this list, truly. They still play this on the alternative stations and with good reason: all teenagers are heroin addicts. I mean, why else would this song span the generations? Why else would everyone relate to it? Just thinking about it now makes me long for the feeling of a needle sliding beneath my skin. Oh but seriously, this was a great song back then and it's a great song now.
14. Mariah Carey "Vision of Love" - I get that this was the song that broke her into the nation's consciousness but honestly, and I really mean this, who cares. Certainly not me.
13. Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Dogg "Nuthin' but a "G" Thang" - I'm only aware of this song (as well as the gangsta rap movement as a whole) in much the same way that house cats are vaguely aware of the world outside of the walls, so I couldn't really tell you anything about where it fits in the grand landscape of modern music. Still though, as is my understanding, it's the song that introduced us to Snoop and, because he's a hilarious stoner, I'll give this song a big thumbs up for that alone.
12. Alanis Morissette "You Oughta Know" - I know for a fact that an ex-girlfriend of mine has burned pictures of me while listening to this song at full blast. What does it say about me that knowing this makes me like "You Oughta Know" even more than I already do?
11. Pearl Jam "Jeremy" - For me, this song was all about Eddie Vedder's demonic facial expressions in the video. I was just coming into my music-listening own when "Ten" came out and seeing the "Jeremy" video, coupled with the darkness of the lyrics and their inherent meaning, was the first time I realized that I was getting into something much more interesting than what they played on my Mom's oldies stations. Also, the line "he bit the recess lady's breast" used to make me laugh my ass off. And by "used to," I mean, "still does."
10. Sinéad O'Connor "Nothing Compares 2 U" - The trifecta: Great song, cool video, weird chick. It's really rare that someone can take a Prince tune and make you forget that the Weird, Purple One ever had anything to do with it, and yet here we are.
09. R.E.M. "Losing My Religion" - I'm a huge R.E.M. fan, don't get me wrong, but I'm so over this song, I'd quite honestly rather listen to anything off the "Up" album than this, and the "Up" album sucked balls. And it's not that "Losing Me Religion" is flat-out bad; it's not. It's just been overplayed to the point where it's lost all shape and meaning, like Orbison's "Pretty Woman," or Lennon's "Imagine." We need to put all recordings of it in a vault somewhere and seal the fucker up for twenty years. Then we can bust it out and give it a good listen with fresh ears. Then it'd probably be okay.
08. TLC"Waterfalls" - Again, never a big R&B fan. I remember this song more for it's "message" lyrics and video than anything else. Oh, and I also remember that they used to always cut out Left-Eye's rap solo when they played it on the radio, even though that was arguably the best thing about the song. You cut out her part of their biggest hit and now she's dead. How's that feel, radio producers? How's that feel?
07. Britney Spears "...Baby One More Time" - Considering all the crap that's going on with her today, listening to this song now is kind of like flipping through your high school yearbook and finding all the Senior photos of the people that went on to become freaked-out junkies. No, wait, it's exactly like that. It's funny also to see her around this time and remember that she used to be a total babe, as opposed to the trailer park cartoon she is now.
06. Sir Mix-A-Lot "Baby Got Back" - Is there anyone on the planet that doesn't like this song? I think even evangelical Christians have to admit that songs about guys liking girls with fat asses are, at the very least, pretty funny. Uh! Double up! Uh, uh!!!
05. Madonna "Vogue" - I'm having to type this very discreetly, lest My Favorite Gay sitting next to me catches wind and tries to scratch my eyes out, but... um... this song kind of sucks. It's really just a musical delivery system for a new dance craze, so I don't understand why this is so revered but no one ever thinks very much about Dee Dee Sharp's, "Mashed Potato Time." Except for me, apparently.
04. Whitney Houston "I Will Always Love You" - Her career ended for me after "I Wanna Dance With Somebody," but whatever. This was a good song (if overplayed), but I always liked the Dolly Parton version better, seeing as how that was the original and all. Trivia Time: Did you know that Parton wrote "I Will Always Love You" about recently deceased country legend Porter Wagonner, with whom she'd had an acrimonious, professional split (they were duet partners for many years and she wanted to go solo)? It's true!
03. Backstreet Boys "I Want It That Way" - Ugh, everyone knows that N'Sync was way better. They had Justin Timberlake, hello? Who did Backstreet have? A bunch of drug addicts with matching jackets and bad facial hair. And yet they're at number three on this list... have the terrorists already won and we just don't know yet?
02. U2 "One" - This song is like a free ticket to getting laid by undergrads. It's a scientific fact that if you put this on a stereo in the college dorm room of your choice, you'll suddenly have thirteen girls humping your leg like you were a shirtless Orlando Bloom. And if you follow it up with Dave Matthew's Band's "Crash Into Me," then you'll be sore for the next few weeks, if you're lucky. You might never walk again. U2 tried to take away it's power by turning it into some sort of, "let's end world poverty" anthem, but nothing doing... "One" still works better than Rohypnol.
01. Nirvana "Smells Like Teen Spirit" - What else were they going to put at number one? Not that it's a bad choice at all, mind you, but still. Obvious. I don't totally buy that whole "Cobain was Jesus" line of thinking or anything, but I can tell you that the dude was extremely talented and extremely unfit for the public spotlight. It's a shame, too, because it would have been awesome to see the stuff he'd put out in the latter part of his career; I get the feeling he would have only gotten better. But who knows; maybe he'd have sold out and endorsed Cheetos or something. Dude did have a kid to feed, after all. But I'd prefer to think that that wouldn't have been the case.
20. Hanson "MMMBop" - Not getting off to a great start, are we VH1. Okay, now I'll admit that this song is catchy; it's hard to deny that fact when it bores into your brain and sits there like a cotton candy fart for three days, forcing you to hum it's abrasive tune while you're waiting for an elevator, say, or about to perform open-heart surgery. But positing that it's one of the top 20 songs of the 90s is like saying that "Sugar, Sugar" by the Archies was a defining song of the 60s; Patently ridiculous and borderline offensive to people with ears. Excluding burn victims, that's all of us, kids. VH1, and by extension, Hanson, have offended all of us.
19. Beastie Boys "Sabotage" - This is much better and, hopefully, it's the only time the Hanson brothers and the Beastie Boys have ever rubbed up against each other (unless there's a seedier side to Ad-Rock of which we're all currently unaware). "Ill Communication" was an essential album, the video for this roared with fake mustaches and hilarious wigs, and the song itself cried desperately to be on the car stereo while you broke all traffic and speeding laws trying to make it home by curfew. This song is like black, hi-top Chucks; it will never go out of style.
18. Metallica "Enter Sandman" - Can you believe that Metallica doesn't play this song in concert any more? Seriously, I've never seen a band work harder at alienating it's own fans. Yeah, Lars, we're probably coming to see you guys because we're dying to hear the live interpretation of stuff off "St. Anger." Fucking Please. Play "Enter Sandman," play the entire "Master of Puppets" album, and then good day to you. Ah, ah... I said "good day!!!"
17. Destiny's Child "Say My Name" - R&B was never really my bag, but this song was constantly on the radio during my Senior year of high school and, thus, it will always be linked with trying on graduation robes and sweating my math finals because they determine whether or not I'll get to actually walk the stage.
16. MC Hammer "U Can't Touch This" - I assume that this is on here ironically. This song came out in 1990, so granted I might have been a little young to truly appreciate the deep, rich meanings behind such lyrics as, "That's hyped and tight / Singers are sweatin' so pass them a wipe / Or a tape to learn / What it's gonna take in the 90's to burn / The charts legit / Either work hard or you might as well quit." Am I missing something? Was this novelty one-off from a guy in stupid pants really so relevant that it merits inclusion on this list? Or is it actually just that it makes people laugh because it's basically a lame joke with a rhyme scheme?
15. Red Hot Chili Peppers "Under the Bridge" - There's not a more ubiquitous song on this list, truly. They still play this on the alternative stations and with good reason: all teenagers are heroin addicts. I mean, why else would this song span the generations? Why else would everyone relate to it? Just thinking about it now makes me long for the feeling of a needle sliding beneath my skin. Oh but seriously, this was a great song back then and it's a great song now.
14. Mariah Carey "Vision of Love" - I get that this was the song that broke her into the nation's consciousness but honestly, and I really mean this, who cares. Certainly not me.
13. Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Dogg "Nuthin' but a "G" Thang" - I'm only aware of this song (as well as the gangsta rap movement as a whole) in much the same way that house cats are vaguely aware of the world outside of the walls, so I couldn't really tell you anything about where it fits in the grand landscape of modern music. Still though, as is my understanding, it's the song that introduced us to Snoop and, because he's a hilarious stoner, I'll give this song a big thumbs up for that alone.
12. Alanis Morissette "You Oughta Know" - I know for a fact that an ex-girlfriend of mine has burned pictures of me while listening to this song at full blast. What does it say about me that knowing this makes me like "You Oughta Know" even more than I already do?
11. Pearl Jam "Jeremy" - For me, this song was all about Eddie Vedder's demonic facial expressions in the video. I was just coming into my music-listening own when "Ten" came out and seeing the "Jeremy" video, coupled with the darkness of the lyrics and their inherent meaning, was the first time I realized that I was getting into something much more interesting than what they played on my Mom's oldies stations. Also, the line "he bit the recess lady's breast" used to make me laugh my ass off. And by "used to," I mean, "still does."
10. Sinéad O'Connor "Nothing Compares 2 U" - The trifecta: Great song, cool video, weird chick. It's really rare that someone can take a Prince tune and make you forget that the Weird, Purple One ever had anything to do with it, and yet here we are.
09. R.E.M. "Losing My Religion" - I'm a huge R.E.M. fan, don't get me wrong, but I'm so over this song, I'd quite honestly rather listen to anything off the "Up" album than this, and the "Up" album sucked balls. And it's not that "Losing Me Religion" is flat-out bad; it's not. It's just been overplayed to the point where it's lost all shape and meaning, like Orbison's "Pretty Woman," or Lennon's "Imagine." We need to put all recordings of it in a vault somewhere and seal the fucker up for twenty years. Then we can bust it out and give it a good listen with fresh ears. Then it'd probably be okay.
08. TLC"Waterfalls" - Again, never a big R&B fan. I remember this song more for it's "message" lyrics and video than anything else. Oh, and I also remember that they used to always cut out Left-Eye's rap solo when they played it on the radio, even though that was arguably the best thing about the song. You cut out her part of their biggest hit and now she's dead. How's that feel, radio producers? How's that feel?
07. Britney Spears "...Baby One More Time" - Considering all the crap that's going on with her today, listening to this song now is kind of like flipping through your high school yearbook and finding all the Senior photos of the people that went on to become freaked-out junkies. No, wait, it's exactly like that. It's funny also to see her around this time and remember that she used to be a total babe, as opposed to the trailer park cartoon she is now.
06. Sir Mix-A-Lot "Baby Got Back" - Is there anyone on the planet that doesn't like this song? I think even evangelical Christians have to admit that songs about guys liking girls with fat asses are, at the very least, pretty funny. Uh! Double up! Uh, uh!!!
05. Madonna "Vogue" - I'm having to type this very discreetly, lest My Favorite Gay sitting next to me catches wind and tries to scratch my eyes out, but... um... this song kind of sucks. It's really just a musical delivery system for a new dance craze, so I don't understand why this is so revered but no one ever thinks very much about Dee Dee Sharp's, "Mashed Potato Time." Except for me, apparently.
04. Whitney Houston "I Will Always Love You" - Her career ended for me after "I Wanna Dance With Somebody," but whatever. This was a good song (if overplayed), but I always liked the Dolly Parton version better, seeing as how that was the original and all. Trivia Time: Did you know that Parton wrote "I Will Always Love You" about recently deceased country legend Porter Wagonner, with whom she'd had an acrimonious, professional split (they were duet partners for many years and she wanted to go solo)? It's true!
03. Backstreet Boys "I Want It That Way" - Ugh, everyone knows that N'Sync was way better. They had Justin Timberlake, hello? Who did Backstreet have? A bunch of drug addicts with matching jackets and bad facial hair. And yet they're at number three on this list... have the terrorists already won and we just don't know yet?
02. U2 "One" - This song is like a free ticket to getting laid by undergrads. It's a scientific fact that if you put this on a stereo in the college dorm room of your choice, you'll suddenly have thirteen girls humping your leg like you were a shirtless Orlando Bloom. And if you follow it up with Dave Matthew's Band's "Crash Into Me," then you'll be sore for the next few weeks, if you're lucky. You might never walk again. U2 tried to take away it's power by turning it into some sort of, "let's end world poverty" anthem, but nothing doing... "One" still works better than Rohypnol.
01. Nirvana "Smells Like Teen Spirit" - What else were they going to put at number one? Not that it's a bad choice at all, mind you, but still. Obvious. I don't totally buy that whole "Cobain was Jesus" line of thinking or anything, but I can tell you that the dude was extremely talented and extremely unfit for the public spotlight. It's a shame, too, because it would have been awesome to see the stuff he'd put out in the latter part of his career; I get the feeling he would have only gotten better. But who knows; maybe he'd have sold out and endorsed Cheetos or something. Dude did have a kid to feed, after all. But I'd prefer to think that that wouldn't have been the case.
posted by Clinton at 11:03 PM
4 Comments:
My boyfriend and I watched this over the course of a few days- we were lucky enough to catch the first 3rd one day, the middle part on another day, and the end (the part you blogged about) on Christmas day. Much like you, we were mad at VH1 for some of its ridiculous choices, but others made a lot of sense.
I've caught bits and pieces of the other installments and I generally thought that most were pretty dead-on, at least as far as popularity on a national scale is concerned. Some, though... MMMBop for example... yeah, I don't know.
As someone who was deep into HS mode during the heyday of 'U Cant Touch This', I have to say, I think it deserves its spot on this list. It was hardly a novelty song at the time - Mc Hammer was EVERYWHWERE. People bought and wore those crazy pants. I think McDonalds had MC Hammer Happy Meals. Theres a reason he was able to afford that crazy mansion he had on that Behind the Music special. I think my DAD had that album.
I agree with most of those choices, but The Backstreet Boys at #3? Come on...
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