Movie Poster A Go-Go
Diary of the Dead
I know this is kind of sacrilege, me being a gigantic horror nerdwad and all, but... um Mr. Romero... you can stop now. No, no... we're good. Just, you know, retire or something. Why? Well, because, you know your last movie, Land of the Dead... yeah, you had the zombies in it figure out how to use guns. Zombies with guns... cool in theory, silly in execution. I know, I know... you're an icon and a legend and you basically gave birth to the zombie mythos, but still, I think it might be time to pack it in before we end up with zombies driving back-hoes, say, or shopping for a washer/dryer combo at Sears. Also, and this totally isn't your fault, but Cloverfield kinda beat you to the whole "end of the world from a video camera's POV" thing. I'm not saying there's no room for another story in a similar style, I'm just saying that if all you've got is a stylistic gimmick... well... you know... I hear that there's some lovely condos in Florida. They have shuffleboard!
Midnight Meat Train
Creepy! I have no idea what this is about (other than it's based on a Clive Barker story), but this poster is giving me serious flashbacks to my first years here in New York when I worked a night job and consequently had to travel home on the subways at one or two o'clock in the morning. I can just picture looking up from whatever book I'm reading and seeing the vague, fogged-out figure of a man staring at me from the next car as he holds a meat-tenderizing mallet in a menacing fashion. Then I'd have to fight for my life using only my stylish man-bag and a Stephen King paperback. But it does no good, because he just keeps coming for me... smiling... his eyes dead and soulless... Holy shit, I just scared the crap out of myself!
Mamma Mia!
I'm kind of torn with this one because, well for one thing it's a movie adaptation Mamma Mia!, a Broadway show that even it's cast members think is "just okay." Then again, I'm such a musical theater junkie, the prospect of any movie with purty sangin' and dancin' in it makes my big, gay heart do a shuffle-ball-change of glee. So what to do? Well, there's obviously only one solution... go see Mamma Mia!: The Movie but do so in drag so I won't be recognized. Sure, I could just wear a fake mustache or something but... no... drag is definitely the way to go. Look, I want to wear a dress when I go see Mamma Mia!, is that so wrong? It's not skimpy or anything, don't worry. It's very tasteful.
The Bank Job
I'm not sold on this Jason Statham character, but I've got to admit that this poster is one of the coolest that I've seen in a really long time. It looks like something from the Steve McQueen school of action films, where the men were MEN (all caps) who drank whiskey, fought bare-knuckled, and wouldn't dream of going to see Mamma Mia! even if they were trying to put the moves on a spicy piece of arm candy because the canary wouldn't sing in the clink and it's the chair, for you, Johnny, you low-life scumsucker on the take!!! Who's really running things at City Hall, huh? WHO??? Uh, sorry... got a little... yeah... anyway, The Bank Job probably won't be anywhere near as cool as this poster makes it look, but that's okay. It's a really cool poster.
Prom Night
I know this is kind of sacrilege, me being a gigantic horror nerdwad and all, but... um Mr. Romero... you can stop now. No, no... we're good. Just, you know, retire or something. Why? Well, because, you know your last movie, Land of the Dead... yeah, you had the zombies in it figure out how to use guns. Zombies with guns... cool in theory, silly in execution. I know, I know... you're an icon and a legend and you basically gave birth to the zombie mythos, but still, I think it might be time to pack it in before we end up with zombies driving back-hoes, say, or shopping for a washer/dryer combo at Sears. Also, and this totally isn't your fault, but Cloverfield kinda beat you to the whole "end of the world from a video camera's POV" thing. I'm not saying there's no room for another story in a similar style, I'm just saying that if all you've got is a stylistic gimmick... well... you know... I hear that there's some lovely condos in Florida. They have shuffleboard!
Midnight Meat Train
Creepy! I have no idea what this is about (other than it's based on a Clive Barker story), but this poster is giving me serious flashbacks to my first years here in New York when I worked a night job and consequently had to travel home on the subways at one or two o'clock in the morning. I can just picture looking up from whatever book I'm reading and seeing the vague, fogged-out figure of a man staring at me from the next car as he holds a meat-tenderizing mallet in a menacing fashion. Then I'd have to fight for my life using only my stylish man-bag and a Stephen King paperback. But it does no good, because he just keeps coming for me... smiling... his eyes dead and soulless... Holy shit, I just scared the crap out of myself!
Mamma Mia!
I'm kind of torn with this one because, well for one thing it's a movie adaptation Mamma Mia!, a Broadway show that even it's cast members think is "just okay." Then again, I'm such a musical theater junkie, the prospect of any movie with purty sangin' and dancin' in it makes my big, gay heart do a shuffle-ball-change of glee. So what to do? Well, there's obviously only one solution... go see Mamma Mia!: The Movie but do so in drag so I won't be recognized. Sure, I could just wear a fake mustache or something but... no... drag is definitely the way to go. Look, I want to wear a dress when I go see Mamma Mia!, is that so wrong? It's not skimpy or anything, don't worry. It's very tasteful.
The Bank Job
I'm not sold on this Jason Statham character, but I've got to admit that this poster is one of the coolest that I've seen in a really long time. It looks like something from the Steve McQueen school of action films, where the men were MEN (all caps) who drank whiskey, fought bare-knuckled, and wouldn't dream of going to see Mamma Mia! even if they were trying to put the moves on a spicy piece of arm candy because the canary wouldn't sing in the clink and it's the chair, for you, Johnny, you low-life scumsucker on the take!!! Who's really running things at City Hall, huh? WHO??? Uh, sorry... got a little... yeah... anyway, The Bank Job probably won't be anywhere near as cool as this poster makes it look, but that's okay. It's a really cool poster.
Prom Night
Because all those other remakes of old horror films have turned out just aces, I guess. Whatever. If you haven't seen the original Prom Night, it stars Jamie Lee Curtis and she does an awesome solo disco dance number for no reason and it's just all kinds of fabulously awesome. The remake will not be fabulously awesome, and that's a ZFS! guarantee!!!* What's more, from this poster, you can barely tell it's a horror movie. To me, it just looks like the prom queen's having a high-maintenance panic attack because her bouffant fell right before her spotlight dance. Just because you cast everything with an icy hue doesn't make it scary, graphic designers!!!
*not a guarantee
posted by Clinton at 9:32 AM
12 Comments:
IDK, maybe it's just me, but the Mamma Mia! poster makes it look like the scariest movie of the bunch. Meryl Streep, poking her head around the door, sort of looks like she is saying "Watch out..I'ma gonna git you!"
Great, now I'm terrified of Meryl Streep.
I'd go gay for Jason Statham. He's that cool. While we're on the topic, Meryl Streep could probably scare me gay.
Mamma Mia may not be a "good" musical per se, but it is a whole lot of fun! How can you go wrong with ABBA songs?!?!?
Todd... Is there a key Jason Statham movie that I'm missing? I saw the Transporter and thought it was just kind of alright.
Brooklyn... Okay *technically* I haven't seen Mamma Mia! in person. My opinions of it are based soley on, A)An old roommate of mine was dating one of the cast members a few years ago; he (the cast member) used to talk trash about it all the time. And B) My mother, who saw the national tour in Dallas and didn't really care for it; she likes everything, usually.
Midnight Meat Train, isn't that a porno?
I'm still excited for Diary of the Dead, even though I agree with everything you just said about it. Romero's determined to be a one-trick pony, isn't he?
What I remember of Prom Night, it was only worthwhile for observing the awesome late 70s or early 80s styles. So yeah. Agree with you on that assesment too.
It lacks in dramatic substance, but gosh it's fun.
p.s. read my blog for a ringing endorsement of August: Osage. As a theater buff, you will be obsessed with the show. Actually as a human being, you will be obsessed with it. I can't speak for zombies though. I don't know their taste in theater.
For some reason, every zombie I've ever met's favorite show was Bring In 'Da Funk, Bring In 'Da Noise. No one knows why.
Colleen... The original Prom Night is actually pretty suspenseful, especially if you're afraid of feathered hair.
Um, hello? The Transporter 2?!
In all seriousness though, it's not that he's in good movies. I just like his attitude and the fact that he does a lot of his own stunts. He's like a "not cute and happy" version of Jackie Chan.
But can he sing Chinese pop songs like Jackie Chan? I'm going to go ahead and say... NO!!!
Jason Statham in Snatch.
Actually they sounds dirty and hot at the same time.
And Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels.
He was also a bad-ass in Crank, but I couldn't get through the movie.
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