Friday, December 14, 2007

A Provocatively Named Lotion

(Smooth jazz plays on the Hi-Fi. The room smells of exotically scented oils and the sheets are only the finest of silk. My gold chains clink together seductively as we lay upon my heart-shaped bed.)

Oooh... yeah... are you ready for it? Because I don't think you are? I just don't know if you can handle it. You think you can? Well, if you're sure. And if you're positive you're not going to sue. Because I'm gonna take my Velvet Tuberose and smear it aaaaalllll over you! Bow-chicka-wow-wow... mmm...uuhh... oh yes, you like my Velvet Tuberose, don't you? You think it's the finest Velvet Tuberose you've ever seen. Well you're right. My Velvet Tuberose is the finest in all the lands. In all the galaxies, even. Not even Star Wars had a Velvet Tuberose like mine. Oooooh... ahhhh... Velvet Tuberose sounds like a creepy innuendo for a guy's wang... oh yeah... I've got the mind of thirteen year old... oooh... Velvet Tuberose... hot n' saucy... because it's a thing that sounds like another thing that could possibly be misconstrued as dirty... uuuughggh... ooooh... neat-o... and... um... yeah... sexy, sexy, and also, sexy... VELVET TUBEROSE!!!

NOTE: I don't know. But I've been giggling about Velvet Tuberose since we went into Bath & Bodyworks last week. Because maturity's for squares and housewives!!!


3RD NOTE: Flying back to NYC today (thanks, weather!). Wish me lots and lots o' luck.


Blogger blythe said...

safe travels. and that stuff made me smell like my grandma. stay away.

10:44 AM  
Blogger Colleen said...

Heh. "Tube."
Please turn off El Boring Boringson. This is creepy.

1:53 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Blythe... Thanks for the warning. Because I was just about to take out the ol' Velvet Tuberose and rub... well, you get the idea.

Colleen... El Boring Boringson resides within me. Sometimes, I have to let him out. Oh, and your pic up there is extremely happy.

10:11 AM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...


Tuberose is one fragrance that gives me an instant migraine.

7:17 PM  

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