Arbitrary Rulings 9

"More Adventurous" by Rilo Kiley - I bought this album a million years ago (or like 2004, whatever) and subsequently lost it or sold it or something and I've missed it ever since, yet never bothered to replace it until this past week. My father and I were killing time in a used CD store and I just happened to stumble across an old, not-too-beat-up copy of it for the low, low price of 6.99$. Quite the steal, especially since I used my cunning and guile to get my father to buy it for me. Cunning and guile, in this particular scenario, translates into me going, "Hey Dad, you mind picking this up for me," and him going, "Yeah, that's fine." Just in case you were wondering exactly what sort of cunning and guile I have at my disposal. Anyway, I've been playing "More Adventurous" on a loop ever since then like a crazy person and it's been awesome, awesome, and yes, though you thought it wasn't possible, even more awesome. What's weird though is that I goofed up a little when I put in on my iPod and, for some reason, the album starts with the last song and plays on to the first. Basically, I uploaded it backwards. Not sure how I did that, but I guess it doesn't matter. Oh, and as is the prerequisite by order of Indie Law for any post/article/mention of or about Rilo Kiley, let me once again state for the record that Jenny Lewis is just ridiculously attractive.

Turbulence - Just so not a fan. There was this one part, towards the end of my flight back into New York, where it felt like they'd secretly switched our plane with a car affixed to the craziest roller coaster track ever devised in the sick mind of an over-caffeinated engineer who's really into making people vomit. I usually have a gut forged from cast-iron, but even I was feeling a bit rumbly by the time we hit the ground. And the girl next to me looked like a junkie about midway though the withdrawls. Because of the turbulence, I mean... not because I think she was actually a junkie. Although she could have been, I guess; sometimes it's really hard to tell because a few of them are really good at hiding it. Angelina Jolie, for example. Oh, and if any of Ms. Jolie's legal team happen to stumble upon this blog while obsessively Googling their client, please keep in mind that the previous statement was a classic example of "just kidding." Not that you'd want to sue me anyway; I'm worth about 1.95$ give or a take a nickel. But I digress... so, yeah, turbulence. It's lame.

The Bagels That My Office Gets Every Monday Morning - Unnecessarily bad. They taste like the secret ingredient is ground-up dodgeballs from my 7th grade gym class and, for some reason, they're always ice cold (which is just weird). I mean, okay, I'm never one to scoff at free food... eating off the kindness of others is pretty much how I've not died all these years... but, I don't know, I just think that if you're a bazillion dollar company that farts money every time it moves, you can maybe afford to spend an extra few bills on chow that don't taste like athletic equipment. Call me crazy, call me a revolutionary, call me the handsomest man you've ever met, but I don't think that's too much to ask. Which is not to say that I'm going to abstain for eating them. Please. They'd have to have poop on them for that to happen. And even then, I might just try to eat around the afflicted areas. Not kidding, I'm gross!

Blogging While Drunk - Heh... yeah, I really don't remember posting that last night. I also don't remember doing "The Chicken Dance" in my underwear on 3rd avenue, but if CNN is to be believed then apparently I had quite an active evening. Well, at the very least, it's nice to finally snip away those final few tatters of dignity. They were always snagging on everything!!! Also, would anyone like to purchase a seemingly-healthy, good-sized, dairy cow? Because I bought one last night (post-Chicken Dance, I guess) and it's really starting to make my apartment smell. The milk's delicious, though, especially straight for the source. Teats!!!

Santa Claus - He's always been cool by me, at least as far as fictional characters are concerned. Free toys, snazzy suit, friendly demeanor, probably could put in a good word for you with Jesus, especially if you keep making good with the cookies... what's not to like? I guess the only part of Santa that's always struck me as a tad strange is the whole, "breaking into your house," thing. It's not like he steals anything, of course, but still... if you want to come in and leave some shit, just knock on the door. Dude, I'll let you in. We can even chill for a bit and power-chug some eggnog. And, yeah, I know you've got a ton of places to be on Christmas Eve, but it's not like you don't have control over Time and Space anyway; that's how you're able to hit all those houses in one night. You could slow down the universe for a few minutes to hang with the C-dog who, I'd like to point out, never stopped believing in your fat, jolly ass. Don't make me beg, Elf-dude. 'Tis the season for doing what I want you to do.