American Idol: I Predict The Winner
NOTE: I haven't watched American Idol since the Clay Aiken era. Also, it disturbs me greatly that we have a piece of our nation's history that can reasonably be called the "Clay Aiken era."
The Contestants
Phillipi Sparks' Daughter: From what I've seen of her during the roughly 9,678,246 commercials for American Idol that they've managed to cram into a single viewing of The Simpsons, it seems that she's got a very nice voice. Also, as I mentioned, she's Phillipi Sparks' daughter; he used to play for the Dallas Cowboys, albeit briefly, and that right there gives me some nice, hometown-y vibes. Additionally, she looks (in the above picture, anyway) quite sassy. Sassy is always a good thing, especially in girls that have killer pipes.
Her Chance Of Winning: Probably.
The White Guy: Eh. He looks like a douchebag. Also, I think I heard somewhere that he does beatboxing. Lame. I think we can all agree that the only person that should be allowed to practice the art of beatboxing is Darren Robinson from The Fat Boys and he's been dead for twelve years. Also against The White Guy is the fact that he, to my knowledge, is not the child of any athlete that played for a Dallas-based sports team. I know that's not technically his fault, but that's just tough. If I were him, I'd blame my father for not being good enough at sports to get on, at the very least, the Texas Rangers. The final nail in his coffin, though, is his hair: It's got chunky, blond stripes in it which says to me that he's a Tri-Delt pledge that's really looking forward to Spring Break in Cabo. No good, The White Guy. No good.
His Chance Of Winning: Doubt it.
Conclusion
Look, I don't know. I'll be watching LOST.
The Contestants
Phillipi Sparks' Daughter: From what I've seen of her during the roughly 9,678,246 commercials for American Idol that they've managed to cram into a single viewing of The Simpsons, it seems that she's got a very nice voice. Also, as I mentioned, she's Phillipi Sparks' daughter; he used to play for the Dallas Cowboys, albeit briefly, and that right there gives me some nice, hometown-y vibes. Additionally, she looks (in the above picture, anyway) quite sassy. Sassy is always a good thing, especially in girls that have killer pipes.
Her Chance Of Winning: Probably.
The White Guy: Eh. He looks like a douchebag. Also, I think I heard somewhere that he does beatboxing. Lame. I think we can all agree that the only person that should be allowed to practice the art of beatboxing is Darren Robinson from The Fat Boys and he's been dead for twelve years. Also against The White Guy is the fact that he, to my knowledge, is not the child of any athlete that played for a Dallas-based sports team. I know that's not technically his fault, but that's just tough. If I were him, I'd blame my father for not being good enough at sports to get on, at the very least, the Texas Rangers. The final nail in his coffin, though, is his hair: It's got chunky, blond stripes in it which says to me that he's a Tri-Delt pledge that's really looking forward to Spring Break in Cabo. No good, The White Guy. No good.
His Chance Of Winning: Doubt it.
Conclusion
Look, I don't know. I'll be watching LOST.
posted by Clinton at 9:02 AM
13 Comments:
Yeah, I don't watch either, but experience the same audio/visual assault at Simpsons o'clock. Some of the ladies of color look okay on this show, but the guys always look so horrible.
Oh also? I am pouring out my water cooler water for the Human Beatbox. RIP
I'd say it's probably a lock that Jordin is going to win. Also, she reminds me very much of Katherine Heigl for some reason - some combination of her face and her speaking voice and her mannerisms. Which I like. :) Also she has a great voice.
She's pretty much the epitome of what an "American Idol" winner should be: young, pretty, good natural singer, and of course the most important - very very marketable to the people who watch "American Idol".
thanks for posting this. I have never seen this show or the promos (don't watch Simpsons, sorry!!!!!!) so I never know what people are going on about. I like the look of the White Guy, though. There's something about him -- the highlights?? -- that says 'please, please beat the living crap out of me' that I haven't seen since high school Model UN sessions, and I honestly really would like to find him and beat the ever living shit out of him right now. Just, I don't know, cuz.
You're so pretty, Clinton.
[Hic].
I totally gave up on American Idol®™©™ this season.
Plus the Blake guy does some impression called "Jimmey Walker Blue". Just terrible.
I used to want to bone Blake, but now I just find him annoying.
Team Jordin FTW.
Lastly, sadly, I can't believe I watched all season. It is only because all of the other networks were to scared to put up anything against it in its timeslot.
Did someone say Johnnie Walker?
[hic]
I'll...err...blah...errr..take...a double.
WITH A WATER BACK!
[thud]
Soooo? Was I right, or what?
Oh and Paula... call me!!! And bring booze!!!
hehehe, very funny Texas Boy...
no seriously, that was pretty funny,
but - don't you (or anyone else, for that matter) let me ever catch you talking smack about beatboxing again.. ya heard?
Or me and my grandma are gonna have to do some serious schoolin', like chin-checkin' 101 knaamean?!
Seriously, though (again; I have trouble keeping a mood for longer than 10 seconds), if anyone thinks beatboxing is dead or still sounds like what the Fat Boys did, search YouTube for Killa Kella, Rahzel ... or even 'human beatbox' etc. I'm sure you'll find something to prove you wrong. Best believe.
(me and my grandma used to rock shows that way all the time. i'd start spittin' a verse and she'd just lay a SICK beat on 'em, like BRR-tsika-PSSH Boom-boom-tsika-PSSH, her cheeks gettin' all like Dizzy Gillespie an' shit)
I only understood about half of the words in those two posts. Are you hitting on me? Offering me food? Challenging me to a duel with pistols at dawn? WHAT?!?!
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