Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Nicknames I'm Considering

"The Silver Bullet"

Pros: Sounds awesome; I own a Coors Light T-shirt, so it's somewhat applicable; would come in handy if I ever become a werewolf hunter; would take on a new, even-awesomer meaning when I start to go gray.

Cons: I don't technically drink Coors Light because it tastes like pee; werewolves don't exist; unfortunate Gary Busey connotation; might look a little silly when silk-screened onto a satin jacket.

"The Wrench"

Pros: Sounds tough; implies that I'm good with tools; could also be a reference to a brutal wrestling hold that only I know how to properly utilize.

Cons: I'm a doughy weakling; I'm not good with tools, to the point where all around-the-house maintenance has to be tackled by my girlfriend, lest I hurt myself.

"Clintosaurus"

Pros: Conjures up a mythical world in which I'm a dinosaur; again, implies toughness or, at the very least, largeness.

Cons: Conjuring up a mythical world in which I'm a dinosaur might make people think I'm lame; people would probably focus on the "largeness" part, which would only lead to unflattering commentary regarding my fat-assedness; really only works if I'm a pro football player, which I'm not.

"Sen. Barack Obama"

Pros: Would make me seem smart; it'd be huge with people from Illinois; would give me an air of class and dignity that I sorely lack.

Cons: Sen. Barack Obama could probably have me killed for besmirching his good name.

"The Heap"

Pros: Probably the closest, thematically, to how I live my life; wouldn't look so bad done in puff-paint on a T-shirt; implies that I'm a collegiate-style party animal.

Cons: Probably the closest, thematically, to how I live my life; I'm no longer a collegiate-style party animal; implies an inherent smelliness.

9 Comments:

Anonymous mmyers said...

I gotta say I got a lot of love for the Silver Bullet (the name, not the beer).

May I also suggest the Midnight Express?
1) There was a wrestling tag team with that name.
2) There was a cool movie with that name.
3) There was that cool disco song with that name. (it always helps to have a theme song)
4) It implies you're an 'express' of some kind which, while big, also implies a sleakness.
5) And 'Midnight', well that just sounds cool all around.

12:54 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Though I do like the Midnight Express, I've worked really hard these last few years to distance myself from Turkish prisons and I don't think that'd help my cause any. Nor the causes of my fellow comrades still behind bars.

But I've said too much.

1:59 PM  
Anonymous Giggleloop said...

OK, prompted by the spam above, what about The Raging Buffalo...? Or is that too WWE? It would certainly be a conversation starter, at any rate.

9:16 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Raging Buffalo... I think I could make that work. Because I do "rage" quite a bit. Though, truthfully, I'm now considering "The Spammer" because what could possibly be more evil?

10:00 AM  
Anonymous mmyers said...

Waitaminute, am I being considered as a spammer?

12:25 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Wait... what...? There was a post earlier on this that was a ton of Viagra-esque ads, so I removed it. Was that you?

Just what are you implying, sir? I'll have you know I've no need for said "wang-enhancement" drugs. I'm all man, baby.

(ish)

12:42 PM  
Blogger Black 17 said...

"I'm all man baby"?!?

Why, that's brilliant! "Man Baby"! Says "I'm big and tough, yet not afraid to cry, wear diapers, and then poop in them after a day of sucking on bottle after bottle of frothy liquid."

The triumph of the subconscious!

If that doesn't do it for ya, how's about "The China Syndrome". Big. Foreign. Nuclear.

6:27 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

If we're going nuclear, I think I'd hitch my wagon to "Mr. Three-Mile Island."

9:31 AM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

'The Ringleader'

Since you are witness to a fight between a zombie and a shark.

6:19 PM  

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