Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Nicknames I'm Considering

"The Silver Bullet"

Pros: Sounds awesome; I own a Coors Light T-shirt, so it's somewhat applicable; would come in handy if I ever become a werewolf hunter; would take on a new, even-awesomer meaning when I start to go gray.

Cons: I don't technically drink Coors Light because it tastes like pee; werewolves don't exist; unfortunate Gary Busey connotation; might look a little silly when silk-screened onto a satin jacket.

"The Wrench"

Pros: Sounds tough; implies that I'm good with tools; could also be a reference to a brutal wrestling hold that only I know how to properly utilize.

Cons: I'm a doughy weakling; I'm not good with tools, to the point where all around-the-house maintenance has to be tackled by my girlfriend, lest I hurt myself.

"Clintosaurus"

Pros: Conjures up a mythical world in which I'm a dinosaur; again, implies toughness or, at the very least, largeness.

Cons: Conjuring up a mythical world in which I'm a dinosaur might make people think I'm lame; people would probably focus on the "largeness" part, which would only lead to unflattering commentary regarding my fat-assedness; really only works if I'm a pro football player, which I'm not.

"Sen. Barack Obama"

Pros: Would make me seem smart; it'd be huge with people from Illinois; would give me an air of class and dignity that I sorely lack.

Cons: Sen. Barack Obama could probably have me killed for besmirching his good name.

"The Heap"

Pros: Probably the closest, thematically, to how I live my life; wouldn't look so bad done in puff-paint on a T-shirt; implies that I'm a collegiate-style party animal.

Cons: Probably the closest, thematically, to how I live my life; I'm no longer a collegiate-style party animal; implies an inherent smelliness.

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I gotta say I got a lot of love for the Silver Bullet (the name, not the beer).

May I also suggest the Midnight Express?
1) There was a wrestling tag team with that name.
2) There was a cool movie with that name.
3) There was that cool disco song with that name. (it always helps to have a theme song)
4) It implies you're an 'express' of some kind which, while big, also implies a sleakness.
5) And 'Midnight', well that just sounds cool all around.

12:54 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Though I do like the Midnight Express, I've worked really hard these last few years to distance myself from Turkish prisons and I don't think that'd help my cause any. Nor the causes of my fellow comrades still behind bars.

But I've said too much.

1:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, prompted by the spam above, what about The Raging Buffalo...? Or is that too WWE? It would certainly be a conversation starter, at any rate.

9:16 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Raging Buffalo... I think I could make that work. Because I do "rage" quite a bit. Though, truthfully, I'm now considering "The Spammer" because what could possibly be more evil?

10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Waitaminute, am I being considered as a spammer?

12:25 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Wait... what...? There was a post earlier on this that was a ton of Viagra-esque ads, so I removed it. Was that you?

Just what are you implying, sir? I'll have you know I've no need for said "wang-enhancement" drugs. I'm all man, baby.

(ish)

12:42 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

If we're going nuclear, I think I'd hitch my wagon to "Mr. Three-Mile Island."

9:31 AM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

'The Ringleader'

Since you are witness to a fight between a zombie and a shark.

6:19 PM  

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