The Freedom of 8.89$

Once my rent check clears, I'll have 8.89$ in my bank account until September 15th, when I get paid again. But I do not fret, for he who remains optimistic is one who's a lot less likely to fling himself off the 19th floor of the office building he works at after shotgunning a cheap bottle of Macormick's vodka. So, in the spirit of keeping my chin up, here are the freedoms that I am allowed, having only 8.89$ in my bank account:

-I can now stroll freely through Bed-Stuy at 3 o'clock in the morning. Yes, it's a rough neighborhood and it's likely that I, being doughy, white and about as a menacing as a 5 foot 10 marshmallow peep, will be mugged. But what can they possibly take? Besides, scars look coooool.

-I have the opportunity to find out if that Urban Legend about the college student who ate nothing but Ramen for a whole year and died of malnutrition has any truth to it. Today my Ramen is "Shrimp" flavored. Mmmmmm!

-I can curl up with a good book. And when I finish reading it, I can shred it up and stuff it in my shirt for added warmth.

-When I go to Texas for Christmas, I can look all sullen and unshaved, maybe even a touch gaunt, and I can wow all the folks back home with tales of being a "starving artist" in New York City. They'll all go "Oooooh" and think I'm super-gritty and world weary, like Bukowski without the heroin problem. Or maybe I'll tell them I have a heroin problem. Then they'll think I'm awesome! Also, I'll tell them who Bukowski is.

-I can get "the blues." Possibly, having "the blues" will make me a famous musician. Might need to learn an instrument first.

-It's a law in New York that, when your bank account slips below 10$ (American), you're legally allowed to wander around Union Square park shirtless and scream at pigeons. I'm looking forward to the exercise!

Yeah, life's going to be pretty sweet for the next nine days. Pretty damn sweet indeed.

Jealous?