Thursday, December 31, 2009

2009: A Year of Suck

Holy shit, was 2009 a punch in the dick. Here's a list of all the things that went wrong this year. For me personally, I mean... the rest of the country can go fuck right off.

NOTE: I get that things could have been so much worse for me. I didn't get AIDS from my prison cellmate after a night of "aggressive cuddles," nor was my entire family wiped out by the militant army of a psychotic jungle dictator (or whatever is happening in Darfur; I don't really follow the news). All I'm saying is that this has been a shitty year and I want to whine about it on the Internet. Join me, won't you?

I left NYC - This one really stung. I liked my life in New York City. I had a funky-colored apartment and a cool girlfriend and a job that was... not satisfying, exactly... but was at least lifestyle-sustaining. Then it all went to hell. Job went bye-bye, the economy shit all over our collective nice linens, the relationship changed into a much more complicated and not internet-shareworthy situation, and then I just flat fucking ran out of money. So it was back to Texas with my fat, white ass. I cannot tell you how much I miss New York. Particularly when I get a craving for a salami sandwich at 2am. Granted, I could just keep salami and some hard rolls around my apartment so I could make myself one when the need arises, but that's SOOOOO not the point. Oh, and I also miss all my friends that I barely talk to anymore because I'm lazy with correspondence. That too.

I hurt both my ankles in two separate, equally stupid accidents - Other than a broken arm when I was ten and a couple of corneal scratches (also due to my own stupidity), my life has been relatively free of serious injury. I mean, it's not like I'm out there diving into rugby scrums or regularly calling bouncers "pantywaists" or anything, but still... shit does happens, but until this year said shit very rarely happened to me. 2009 found me first falling off a ladder, landing squarely on my left ankle and giving it a severe fucking up. Then the year witnessed me tripping off a curb and doing exactly the same thing to my RIGHT ankle. So now I've got two bad joints supporting all 300 pounds of my unappealing frame for the rest of my life. It's only a matter of time before they both just give up on me and I'm forced to spend the remainder of my days suing the local bars for not having doors big enough to accommodate my Rascal.

I got a shitty job - I'm currently working at a terrible sports bar run by idiots that caters to the worst of humanity who tip 10% (if that) and it all makes me think of that Talking Heads lyric, "Oh my god, how did I get here?" Except when I say it, I'm not wearing an oversized suit and being all post-modern awesome like David Byrne. No, when I say it, I'm sobbing into an order of buffalo wings and trying to tamp down the urge to defecate into the chili that's going out to the asshole redneck who SNAPPED HIS FINGERS as a way of alerting me to his obese daughter's desperate need for another in a long line of Shirley Temples. It is convenient to work in a place that features a well-stocked bar... I'll give you that one... but that's a double-edge sword that often cuts the wrong way. Right across my liver. Speaking of which...

I started drinking heavily again - We've had a lot of fun on ZFS! with regards to my love of the booze, but a lot of it was just a bunch of jokey-jokes trumped up for comedic effect. These days, those jokes are a lot less funny. The fact of the matter is this: Arlington, TX is a motherfucking depressing town. I love it... it's my hometown... but nonetheless, it's a sucking chest wound of blandness. Don't get me wrong, it's a great place to raise a family and all that, but being here as a single man... one who's lived in Austin, LA, and New York... Arlington, to say the least, is found to be lacking. So, to combat the feeling of being crushed to death by large, beige rocks, I've been drinking more and more. Healthy! Coping is my speciality! My liver looks like a dead possum!

I've gained a bunch of weight - Arlington has a lot of fast food options, many of which are open late. When I'm not drinking my feelings, I tend to eat them. That's what we call a recipe for disaster, or at least a recipe for a fat ass and a huge, swingin' gut. The obvious question is: Why don't you show a little self-control and stop eating Crunchwraps and cheeseburgers all the goddamned time, tubby? My only response to that is... well... I don't HAVE any self-control. So there.

ZFS! died - Still not sure what happened with that, or what I'm going to do about it. It does make me sad, though. I've really enjoyed writing this blog the last few years and I think you guys enjoyed reading it, too. I'm trying to figure out if I want to keep going with ZFS!, or if I maybe want to start a NEW blog... something a little more reflective of my life as it is right now. See, the thing is this.... ZFS!, to me, has come to represent a time in my life that ended this year. I'm no longer the sassy NY-based wiseacre that made lists of which pants were the worst. I'm now a guy who's trying to put his life back together, and that in my mind doesn't really jibe with the ZFS! ethos. Or maybe I'm just being a pussy about it (a distinct possibility). Anyway, I'll keep you guys... whoever is left out there... posted as to what comes next. Whatever the case, I do know one thing: 2010 has got to better than 2009. A low bar to clear, but nonetheless.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, first let me say, condolences to your liver. I felt like our livers were separated at birth, and well, it's like finding out your brother got in a nasty car wreck in another state. He's ok, but not doing well.

Now, for the big stuff.

Things change, and not always (if ever) for the better. I know it as much as anyone. If ZFS reminds you of another time in your life, it's because that is exactly true. Close that chapter, look on it as a seriously ass-kicking body of work, and begin a new project.

Your perspective is totally shifted (as is evidenced by the post above) so why not take it in a new direction? Look at every great piece of art - it comes out of abject misery. Don't listen to those pantywaists who'll tell you that's not true. You and I both know it is.

I haven't written any good music in years. Know why? Because things aren't all that terrible, and my life is moving along in ways I didn't anticipate. Granted, the fact that I haven't written good songs in years should make me miserable enough to write some good songs, but I can't keep churning up years-old heartbreak - I gotta move on.

And by move on, I don't mean quit yr bitching. This is the Intertubes, after all, and we all have a God-given right to air any and all dirty laundry we feel like. I mean move on and do something else. You know who else drank a lot? Hemingway! And I guarantee you his shit would be a lot less impressive if he didn't. Plus, he becomes an adjective in his debauchery. Now I KNOW that's something you'd like.

Really, take your pick: Hemingway, Kerouac, Bukowski, Burroughs, it takes being a fuck-up to really strike certain chords. Your misery is a call to arms.

So in closing, have a salad now and again, bring the drinking to a functional level (I didn't say stop, I said "functional" - we know what that means *wink*), and START WRITING again, man. I miss your sweet siren song, and I was excited as a young Japanese girl discovering Hello Kitty for the first time when I saw these posts come up in Google Reader today.

And for fuck's sake, if nothing else, get back on Twitter and commence nonsensing with the rest of us. You got a lot of people who'd be glad to see you.

2:41 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Thanks, dude. I appreciate it. There's a part of me that thinks I've been in such a bad place lately because I haven't been writing. Not the blog, not nothin'.

It's definitely time to change that.

2010 is going to be a rebuilding year for ol' C-dog, in many different ways. That's the plan anyhow.

4:30 PM  
Blogger Stewart said...

Here's to 2010 being better! 2009 blew ass for me too. Just glad to see you blogging again (and twittering). Whether you keep ZFS, or start another one, you'll have me reading!

6:45 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Get back on the horse, shithead. I didn't keep you in my Google Reader for nothing. Happy New Year!

9:02 PM  
Blogger LSL said...

I'm so glad to see you back. You had a shit of a year, thanks for certain, but maybe posting about all the crap will help. You're such a great writer. Hang in there and make 2010 your bitch.

4:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This long-time lurker sends good wishes for the new year, and callous selfish wishes for myself that you'll keep writing!

9:39 PM  
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