2009 Better Be Better
I'll prove it. Here's the good things that happened in 2008:
-The Dark Knight came out and made everyone go, "Wow"
-I didn't personally die
Now, compare that to all the BAD things that happened in 2008:
NOTE: Partial list, because obviously...
-The economy took a dump all over everywhere
-I lost my job and, statistically, so did you.
-The Mets collapsed into themselves like a dying star
-George Carlin died
-Paul Newman died
-A bunch of other awesome people died, including some of my relatives
-Larry the Cable Guy in Witless Protection
-I turned 28 (which is appalling)
-Did I mention I'm still unemployed?
-Some kid probably got eaten by wolves or something
-Hitler's Robot went on a rampage
-The college Dean tried to get us evicted from our campus house
-Your mom stopped calling me (tell her I miss her!)
-Psycho circus clowns took over the Midwest with their Carnival of Fear and now no one can go to Nebraska because it's covered in a big top tent what drips with the blood of lost souls (that might technically have only happened in a dream I had after some spicy chili)
-Serious journalists started using the word "tweens"
-Nobody killed whitey
And the list goes on and on. 2008... fuck you, dude. You made us all miserable and we're glad you're gone. So here's to 2009! Everybody cheer!!! Let's make this one not ass-y, what's say?!?! Because if 2009 is as awful as 2008... man... we're just going to have to blow it up. No, I don't know now. But we'll figure it out.
WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT
NO, WE AIN'T GONNA TAKE IT
WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT... ANYMORE!!!