Ways To Liven Up A Trip To The DMV
-Every time you hear the phrase, "Next, please," do a shot. Do a shot every time you see someone filling out a form. Also, do a shot every time someone sighs in frustration. You know what, just show up drunk and see what happens.
-Try to convince the people around you that DMV stands for Department of MONKEY Vehicles!!! If they don't believe you, tell your monkey to claw their fucking face off. Oh, you should bring a monkey with you to sell the gag... sorry, should have mentioned that. Make sure it's vicious.
-When they take your picture for the license, see if they'll do some nudie shots of you while they're at it. I couldn't hurt to ask and, hey, wouldn't it be cool to have the first drivers license photo ever to feature pubes?
-Wait in line... while still in your car. Argue with security that is clearly says "Motor Vehicles" in the department's name, so it should be allowed. Don't take "we're calling the police" or "you ran over an elderly man" as an excuse to give up your place in line. Honk loudly for service. (you shouldn't do this one if you're also planning on doing the Department of MONKEY Vehicles gag; don't want to look like an asshole who can't get his story straight)
-Try to turn the boring ol' line into a CONGA line!!! Just place your hands on the hips of the person in front of you. Don't let go. Hum samba music loud enough to drown out their cries for help.
-Get everyone involved in a wacky game of "Telephone!!!" Watch as the phrase started at one end becomes something completely different by the time it reaches the other!!! While the dickholes are distracted by this children's game, steal their wallets.
-By the time you leave, there shouldn't be a single person or object in that office that hasn't been farted on.
-Or, you know, I guess you could just bring a book or something. Still show up drunk, though. Like you wouldn't anyways. You've got a problem, man...