Newsflash, motherfuckers... Ramen can go bad!!!
As in stale, as in you can't eat it because it tastes butt-nasty, as in my world is fucking shattered because of all the things that are supposed to forever remain true, number fucking ONE is that you can always count on a starchy, sodium-y, sorta depressing, not-that-good-actually bowl of Ramen when you're light on cash and heavy with self-loathing.
Turns out, not the case. I was supposed to have some Ramen for lunch... it was going to be shameful and spirit-crushing and Shrimp flavored... I opened the package (expiration date: 12/08/07), I added the seasoning powder, I poured on the hot water, I died a little inside, and then I sat down to take a big fucking sad bite. And I knew immediately that something was wrong. It smelled... off. Not that Ramen is something you want to daub on your pulse points before Brad takes you out on the town or anything (god, Brad's so dreamy...), but still. It has a unique smell and this, today's Ramen, smelled like that unique smell's evil twin. Twirly black moustache and everything. Kind of industrial cleaner-ish... soapy... but Asian.
Not trusting my instincts (I'm dumb that way), I took a bite. Horror... pain... sorrow... stale Ramen-ness all hot and rotten Shrimpy like demon barf in a Styrofoam container of non-biodegradable hate.
I threw it away, wiser now. Grown up too fast. I've stared into the blackness of the world and it has stared back into me. I'm forever changed. Ramen can go bad, you guys. You cannot un-know this. I'm sorry, my children... I'm so fucking sorry...