Wednesday, June 04, 2008

In Denver, I'm Huge...

(you're huge no matter WHERE you are, fat boy)

Damn you, parenthesis voice! Why must you torment me?!?!

Anyway, I wanted to kick things off this morning with a super-special, double-dipper, extra-bacon-cheese THANK YOU to long-time commenter and all around nice guy Big Daddy, who has been so kind as to give ZFS! a shout out in the Denver-based magazine for which he writes.

Clicky-clicky for a larger version:

Awesome, right? This is easily one of the coolest things that's ever happened to me fully clothed and without a quantity of alcohol large enough to technically qualify as a pond. I mean, being on the cover of AM New York was pretty neat and all, but I was there because I'm a broke-ass chump with no shame and some Top Ramen. This, though... this is a tip o' the cap in my direction because someone actually liked my writing. That's like some next-level shit and, again, awesome squared times a million.

(you done braggin' yet, hot shot)

Let me enjoy my meager successes, you son of a bitch! This is basically all I've got!!! You know, besides the love of a good woman and a warm, caring family. But whatever.

So, naturally, the question raised by this kick-ass turn of events is this: How do I capitalize? How do I turn a nice mention in a Denver society and culture magazine into a multi-million dollar empire that affords me the life of luxury I so richly deserve?

No... I'm asking. I have no idea.

I mean, I guess the first step would be to make ZFS! more "Denver-centric," therefore cementing my fame within it's frozen borders. Like, articles about John Elway and maybe some fun activities to do while trapped in your house by a blizzard. Or... um... pictures of me drinking a can of Coors.

Well, I'm sure I'll think of something. I mean, I've just got to... I really want a hot tub and I ain't getting a hot tub on my current salary. Need to move on up to the high society world of... uh... whatever it is that bloggers are who get paid. That's where you get the hot tub money. I assume.

But, hey, I'm sure that will all come in due time. What's important is that in Denver, I'm basically like Brad Pitt now. Thanks Big Daddy! Somebody give that man a Pulitzer!!!


Blogger TFKoP said...

Maybe you could open ZFS's Temple of Meat in Denver, and then show up for the grand opening....?


9:57 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

And my holy robes could be made of bacon... yes... yes... it's all coming together...

10:18 AM  
Blogger Ben K. said...

I just want sex and Iron Man.

10:22 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...


11:02 AM  
Blogger Todd said...

Yeah Clinton, what are YOUR rates?

Congrats on the article! That's super fantastic funtime awesome spectaculars!

11:22 AM  
Anonymous JustinS said...

I think you need to take the show on the road, just like all the other great story tellers.

Except, instead of telling stories, they might expect you to just eat whatever random shit they can find in local ethnic markets....

In fact, bad idea. That's only like one step and a face tattoo away from the Jim Rose Circus Sideshow.

11:24 AM  
Blogger Cray said...

Do they have a Chinatown, or some locale that could pass for one? Could do a ICFDC on location. Maybe they would pay to ship you over there to perform live.

11:25 AM  
Blogger stew said...

I don't know, I think your blog has jumped the shark.

It happened right about the time you wrote that post about that shark that you jumped over.

11:37 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Todd... $2.99 for the first five minutes, .99 cents for each additional minute. And thanks! It is most honorable.

Justin... Well, I *have* always wanted a face tattoo... But yeah, traveling around eating stuff that people bring me sounds like a great way to get poisnoned and die. And I'm not so keen on that.

Cray... Only if I can dazzle them with some ol' soft shoe!

Stew... He was asking for it. And, I beg to differ... my blog won't have jumped the shark until Cousin Oliver comes to stay with me.

11:42 AM  
Blogger Bill From Gainesville said...

C-Dog -- that is awesome and I am glad to see Parenthesis is around to keep you humble about it all.. and by the way I think you are awesome as well, I just dont write for a magazine to put you in and stuff.

12:09 PM  
Blogger brookLyn gaL said...

Wow. You have gotten sooooo famous. You are too much of a celebrity to hang out with the little folk anymore.

(Besides, midgets scare Todd.)

12:29 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

So is being 'Big In Denver' like being 'Big In Japan'?

1:09 PM  
Blogger Midwesterner in NYC said...

Jesus, is there any stopping you now?

1:13 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Bill... Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about that... Can you get hired at a magazine and write about me? Something fun, like Mad or Dirt Bike Weekly or Juggs.

Brooklyn... Naw, you're all in my entourage. Todd can be the midget wrangler. Help him overcome his fears.

Big Daddy... It's EXACTLY the same, except less sushi.

Midwesterner... Nope, pretty much like the fame equivilent of that monster in Cloverfield now.

1:48 PM  
Blogger Quin Browne said...

i lived in denver for years and years... in fact, i went to school in golden (if you didn't know the coors tour by the time you graduated high school, you were pretty pathetic)...

most of my kids still live there.. in denver.

it's a great place, very pretty. what more can you say for a city that has a mayor who started the first micro brewery?

1:46 AM  
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