Sunday, May 18, 2008

I'm Famous (for being poor)

In a move that surely signals the downfall of the print medium, the NYC-based daily newspaper AM New York has decided, against all reason and logic, to feature my fat self on this morning's cover:

I know, right? Couldn't you just die??? This is sooooo perfect, seeing as how I'm an unapologetic egomaniac who craves attention like a junkie craves junk. I do wish that they'd let me plug ZFS!... throw a little traffic my way and all... but, hey, extremely famous beggars can't be extremely famous choosers. It's all good. I can only assume that people will be so captivated by my smiling face, they'll be forced to Google my name in hopes of finding other pictures of me in my kitchen, eating cheap food.

I trust they won't be disappointed.

In all seriousness, though, this is just about the most ridiculous thing I've ever been a part of. Seeing a variety of commuters carrying a picture of me tucked under their collective arms is the very definition of surreal. I feel like an unattractive, untalented version of George Clooney if, George Clooney were the type to ever eat Ramen. I assume he's not; I think Ramen is poison to famous people.

Which means, I guess, that I can't eat it anymore. Ha! IT'S ALL GONE TO MY HEAD!!!

Oh, and incidentally, my favorite part of the cover... of all of this, really... is what's happening over my left shoulder: If you look close, you can see a picture on the fridge of my friend Michael, who is now flipping off all of New York. God bless'im.

Here's the whole paper in PDF format, should you feel like reading the entire article. Inside, it features another picture of me rocking the Xbox with some beer and chips. My natural habitat, in other words.

Oh, and big ups to my boy Midwesterner for making this all happen. If your commute was ruined by a sudden onslaught of nausea, he's the one to blame.


Blogger Liöüx said...



Where's your juice box?!?!!!

9:26 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Yes, that could have been me. I decided to pass the baton because (A) I am WAY too shy for something like this and (B) who doesn't want to see Clinton on the way to work in the morning?

Good job Clint!

9:31 AM  
Blogger Sally Tomato said...

I *literally* did a double take, walk past then back-up thing when I saw your mug at the Union Square N/R/W entrance today. This is the funniest thing EVER! I'm keeping it for posterity.

9:37 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Lioux... Wouldn't YOU like to know.

Midwesterner... Thanks, dude. You've aided in stroking my ego, which means I'm forever in your debt.

Sally... I'm framing this bitch, no question. So then I can show my future kids what a big shot their old man was, back in the day. I'm also going to alter the headline to say, "Clinton Davis: Super Stud."

10:02 AM  
Blogger Hex said...

Did you at least purchase the ramen in Chinatown?

10:36 AM  
Blogger Bill From Gainesville said...

C-Dog, they mention your blog in the article, but they did not identify the address. - It's like a tiny little missed for your analytics software to really kind of go off and bloom into a beautiful spikey looking thing.

10:37 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Please remember us little people now that you've hit the big time.

10:49 AM  
Blogger Jason Quinones said...

one step closer to selling the ZFS brand of comedy style to the hollywood money making machine!!

congrats you poor bastard you!

p.s.- did you realize there's no more food court in that abomination of commerce called the manhattan mall??? the only good reason to go there was for the delish charley's cheesesteaks!!

whats am i to do clinton??

11:03 AM  
Blogger Alienwhere said...

I'm a little disappointed that you weren't soaked in whiskey in this picture. It would have been so awesome, like, yeah, not only am I eating ramen, I'm so depressed about the whole sitch that I drowned myself in some delicious, life-affirming brown liqour.

Or at least a whiskey bottle in the pic, although the finger is nice.

11:05 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Hex... No, sadly. It Came From The Bay Ridge Food Town...

Bill... I know, soooo close. Still, any publicity is good publicity. I assume.

Surviving... Sorry, I can't hear you above the ROAR OF MY OWN SUCCESS!!!

Jason... Thanks! Hollywood, please contact me about money-making offers. The food court is GONE??? This is actually really bad for me; I'd promised Girlfriend I'd take her to the Arby's that was there. Not kidding!

Alienwhere... I should have planned it out better, for true. But it if it makes you feel any better, I *was* drunk for the interview. Because that's how I roll.

11:07 AM  
Blogger Ben K. said...

So how many people are Googling "Clinton Davis" today and finding ZFS?

Now that you, Todd and I have all been in the pages of amNY, we should get the rest of everyone we know in there.

11:28 AM  
Blogger Cray said...

Gratz my large brother, you are undoubtedly "in charge" as well. We'll show those granola-eating brocolli freaks who should be running this place! And by running, I mean allowing someone else to do the actual work while we reap the benefits.

11:31 AM  
Blogger mmyers said...

As a hopeless shill myself, I say to you, for all publicity photo moments: wear a ZFS shirt. It's cheap but it works.

Congrats on the front page story. And it helped me stay dry and stylish.

11:33 AM  
Blogger stew said...

I bet you get one of those lucrative ramen-endorsement contracts now that pays, like, FIFTY BUCKS. Welcome to the bigtime, my friend.

11:49 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Ben... Even if people *are* Googling, I don't think they're going to find me. Such is the burdeon of having a name that's the same as a current, controversial presidential candidate.

Cray... Totally. I wish I could have been eating a pizza or some sort of large taco on the cover.

Mmeyrs... There wasn't time to get one from Cafe Press!!! Which is bad planning on my part, not having one around the house for photo ops. Next time, for sure.

Stew... I'd be happy if they just sent me some of their product. Like, a truck's worth.

11:54 AM  
Blogger quin browne said...

top ramen!!!


i live on grits.

12:30 PM  
Blogger Ben K. said...

Clinton... and apparently a Sept. 11 victim too. Bad luck, man.

12:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I bow before the temple of your awesomeness. Congrats.

12:43 PM  
Blogger Giggleloop said...

Congrats, man! Now we regulars can all say we sorta knew you back before you were AMNY's Clinton Davis, ramen lovin' Xbox afficciando.

1:25 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Quin... Just out of frame, there's totally a container of grits. Not kidding!

Ben... Eh, what can you do?

Harry... Thank you sir. You can be in my entourage now.

Giggleloop... You certainly can. As long as you don't make eye contact with me.

2:13 PM  
Blogger TFKoP said...

Dammit! If I had known I would've driven down from Maine just to ride the commuter rail so I too could tuck a copy of your face under my arm.

But you wouldn't have liked the smell anyway.

But in this electronic medium, I'll just ride the blog-rail with the pdf version tucked under my electronic arm.

I wonder if they make Maine Lobster flavored Ramen? I'm going out to look right now...


3:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

clint is soo big-time! at work today they took away his chair and gave him a recliner. also, they hired an intern to do his work while he just sits there signing copies of AM New York for his co-workers (and the chests of attractive females obviously). also, when we went out to lunch for some reason the cashier charged me for his lunch AND my own saying something about how celebrities don't pay. clint, you should definitely parlay this into a spot on the next surreal life cast. i could totally see you in mini-me's scooter pulling over to piss in the corner of the house.

cubicle mate andrew

3:40 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

That's awesome.

Plus, I wrote up ICFC in the upcoming June issue of my magazine.

Soon there will be total ZFS/C-Dog media saturation!

4:12 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

TFKOP... If they do, send me a crate! And speaking of... why DON'T they do region-specific Ramens? Pastrami and mustard flavor for NYC. BBQ brisket for Texas. And so on. That's money sitting around waiting for someone to pick it up.


Big Daddy... And thanks for doing that! Global domination begins NOW!!!

4:47 PM  
Blogger DrunkBrunch said...

OMG how exciting to come back from vacay and see a friend in the paper. Congrats! Um, not on that whole "being poor" part...

And Ben, I plan to make the pages of amNewYork, but probably for public intoxication or some petty crime, not blogging.

Please save me a copy! You will be my new refrigerator art.

9:43 AM  
Blogger Todd said...

Did anyone on the train notice that they were reading about you?

1:43 PM  
Blogger Jeannetto said...

Did they pay you?

1:38 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

No, sadly I was not paid. But I've more than made up for it with free hot dogs from the street vendor by my job whom I've convinced I'm George Clooney.

9:52 AM  

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