The Wonderful Magic of an Exploding Heart
Somewhere, there's a TGI Friday's executive chef wringing his apron in his hands and crying his eyes out because he didn't think of this first...
The plans Girlfriend and I had got cancelled last night and we found ourselves at dinnertime with a mutual hunger for bacon. This happens in our house at least once a week. Or, rather, it happens at our house every day, but we try to keep the bacon consumption to only once a week because otherwise we'd start sweating grease and all our clothes would be ruined. Also, it should be noted that we're not talking about pork bacon here. Oh no... we're talking beef bacon. If you haven't tried the beef bacon, then it's pretty much like you've lived your whole existence in Plato's cave, staring at the shadows of actual life on the wall; there's a world out there of which you're only experiencing a tiny fraction. Anyway, so last night was Bacon Night and, because we're both pregnant ladies, we decided that we'd have, as a side-dish, mashed potatoes. Not just any mashed potatoes, though... Mashed potatoes made with cream cheese. It's kind of like what happened when they figured out what plutonium was good for; the bombs got a whole lot more interesting.
So we've got this large bowl of Cream Cheese Mashed Potatoes and we've got this plate of beef bacon. We sit down on the living room floor and as I reach for the first piece, Girlfriend stays my hand. "Wait," she says. There's a gleam in her eye; a spark not unlike the one most likely seen in the eye of Philo T. Farnsworth when he dreamed up the television, or in the eye of Hugh Hefner, when he first thought, "Hey, I'll bet naked ladies would sell a lot of magazines."
She picks up a piece of bacon and, without saying a word, she dips it in the mashed potatoes!!! She offers it to me with a knowing smile. As I take the still-sizzling strip in my hand, it's crispness firmly supporting the snowball of creamy potato at it's end, a Broadway-style production number breaks out in our living room. Chorus girls high-kick and tuxedoed men sing to the rafters. The lights go crazy and the smoke machines kick on and all of the voices crescendo to a clear, high note. The orchestra thunders. The audience freaks out.
I take a bite.
Yes, my heart exploded. But I regret nothing. Because once you've had cream cheese mashed potato-dipped bacon, you could get cut down by a sniper on your wedding day and still know in your clogged heart that you've lived a rich, full life.
The plans Girlfriend and I had got cancelled last night and we found ourselves at dinnertime with a mutual hunger for bacon. This happens in our house at least once a week. Or, rather, it happens at our house every day, but we try to keep the bacon consumption to only once a week because otherwise we'd start sweating grease and all our clothes would be ruined. Also, it should be noted that we're not talking about pork bacon here. Oh no... we're talking beef bacon. If you haven't tried the beef bacon, then it's pretty much like you've lived your whole existence in Plato's cave, staring at the shadows of actual life on the wall; there's a world out there of which you're only experiencing a tiny fraction. Anyway, so last night was Bacon Night and, because we're both pregnant ladies, we decided that we'd have, as a side-dish, mashed potatoes. Not just any mashed potatoes, though... Mashed potatoes made with cream cheese. It's kind of like what happened when they figured out what plutonium was good for; the bombs got a whole lot more interesting.
So we've got this large bowl of Cream Cheese Mashed Potatoes and we've got this plate of beef bacon. We sit down on the living room floor and as I reach for the first piece, Girlfriend stays my hand. "Wait," she says. There's a gleam in her eye; a spark not unlike the one most likely seen in the eye of Philo T. Farnsworth when he dreamed up the television, or in the eye of Hugh Hefner, when he first thought, "Hey, I'll bet naked ladies would sell a lot of magazines."
She picks up a piece of bacon and, without saying a word, she dips it in the mashed potatoes!!! She offers it to me with a knowing smile. As I take the still-sizzling strip in my hand, it's crispness firmly supporting the snowball of creamy potato at it's end, a Broadway-style production number breaks out in our living room. Chorus girls high-kick and tuxedoed men sing to the rafters. The lights go crazy and the smoke machines kick on and all of the voices crescendo to a clear, high note. The orchestra thunders. The audience freaks out.
I take a bite.
Yes, my heart exploded. But I regret nothing. Because once you've had cream cheese mashed potato-dipped bacon, you could get cut down by a sniper on your wedding day and still know in your clogged heart that you've lived a rich, full life.
posted by Clinton at 9:22 AM
18 Comments:
I have a feeling before the weekend comes to an end I will be tasting this delish treat. I'm drooling all over myself right now just thinking about it.
~Irish
Reading this made me feel like Homer J. Simpson thinking about food or a Duff.
Irish... Can't recommend this highly enough. Just don't plan on, you know, moving much afterwards. You'll pretty much just want to lay down and digest for a while.
Beehive... EATING it made me feel like Homer, totally.
Irish isn't kidding about this, when i come home Sunday from my weekend jaunt to Jersey I will find her on the couch, watching the Sopranos on HBO on demand-- a glazed smile on her face, and an empty plate scraped clean of cream cheese mashed potatos and beef bacon on the floor.
-Jew
Be so kind as to roll her on her stomach if she looks like she's going to puke. That much bacon and potato can lead to gastro-disaster in those who aren't a seasoned fat ass such as myself.
as disgusted as I am at the thought of beef bacon, i was most entertained by this posting! thanks.
Gadzooks! Well, me and my old college boyfriend used to buy tubs of cannoli filling from the big Italian bakery in Baltimore, and we'd go home and eat it with spoons. That stuff came from the heavens.
Colleen... No problem; glad my gluttony is amusing!
Sloth... Two words: Cannoli Cake. Some of the Italian bakeries make these; they're basically a cake that's iced with cannoli filling. Amazing would be the word.
I came upon your blog and wanted to share a snack that I recently discovered. I think you will enjoy.
Step 1: Make a big frying panful of bacon. Remove from pan, retaining hot grease.
Step 2: Take a Krispy Kreme donut and fry it in the bacon grease.
Step 3: Enjoy, and try not to burn your tongue.
OH MY GOD!!! You're like an anonymous culinary angel!!! I'm so going to try that as soon as I can get my hands on some Krispy Kremes.
Thanks for the tip!
One of the guys I work with is married to a Japanese lady and she made rice balls for us that were covered in something that tasted like bacon and were filled with bacon. It was like what would happen if Jack in the Box made rice balls. Also, here in Japan they have perfected the cheese stick by replacing the breading with that rice paper stuff they use to make spring rolls, deep frying them, and calling them cheese rolls. I won't even get started on all the fantastic fatty festival foods that are within my grasp once the weather turns warm. Let's just say that they took the candied apple idea and ran with it.
Colleen,
Beef bacon is BETTER than pig bacon! It tastes like the love child between bacon (which is awesome on it's own) and smoked jerky.
It's also better for you.
Ask your local grocer! Try it!
J... Everything you just mentioned makes me want to move to Japan. Especially those cheese roll thingys. Pretty sure I set a world record for packing those bad boys away.
Okay, so I need to try this beef bacon. Is it sold at regular grocery stores? I've never seen it before.
Also, what's your opinion of turkey bacon? How does it compare to the pork and beef varieties?
Turkey bacon would definately be at the bottom of that list, at least for me. I find it too dry. Currently, beef bacon is at the top, but i'm not ruling out the possibility that it's just a fling.
Well, I have noticed since moving here that not only did Japan perfect our electronics but in many ways they have perfected our snacks. I have found such delectables as banana soda, baked potato with butter flavored potato chips, candied strawberries, chewy oreo cakes the size of moon pies, potato chips that are apparently chicken soup flavored, something at the bakery that is evidently a "pig in a blanket" the size of my forearm, and some surprisingly good pizza. This place is a snacker's wonderland and I am in Misawa which is just a jerkwater burg in Northern Japan. God only knows what sort of snacks you can sink your teeth into in Tokyo.
my heart hurts from reading this. not that it will stop me.
Try putting sour cream in mashed potatoes as well. Yum.
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