I'm So Bored...
...I've started slowly assembling a margarita machine at my cubicle, one part at a time. I'm hoping that if I do this over many hours, no one will notice, kind of like how when you're hanging out on the porch with friends drinking a case of beer and it goes from 3am to dawn's early light without anyone even realizing they're tired. Suddenly you're sitting there and it's morning and everyone had the best night ever. It'll be like that, but with a salted rim.
...I'm going to try to take off my pants using only my extremely agile butt muscles. And my mind!!!
...I just challenged anyone on my floor to an arm-wrestling match. What they don't know is that I just taught myself to spit acid like Seth Brundel in The Fly, so right when they think they've won... BOOM! Their face is going to melt off like a Dove bar in a skillet and I'll be wearing my shiny, arm-wrestling crown. Which I've just made out Doublemint gum wrappers and Scotch tape.
...I just blacked out and had a vision of Jesus, sitting up in Heaven on his throne. He said to say, "What's up," and to ask if anyone knew where to get a good cheesesteak below 14th St. When I woke up, there were only one set of footprints and the whole office smelled like myrrh.
...I've started writing my memoirs, but to make it interesting, I'm doing the whole thing from the perspective of my VHS copy of the original, unfucked-with Star Wars. It's always been there with me and, frankly, it's got a much better speaking voice than I do. The only problem I'm having is that it's a Pan and Scan copy and, well, I've lead a pretty goddamn Letterboxed sort of life.
...I might consider doing some work. Might.
...I'm going to try to take off my pants using only my extremely agile butt muscles. And my mind!!!
...I just challenged anyone on my floor to an arm-wrestling match. What they don't know is that I just taught myself to spit acid like Seth Brundel in The Fly, so right when they think they've won... BOOM! Their face is going to melt off like a Dove bar in a skillet and I'll be wearing my shiny, arm-wrestling crown. Which I've just made out Doublemint gum wrappers and Scotch tape.
...I just blacked out and had a vision of Jesus, sitting up in Heaven on his throne. He said to say, "What's up," and to ask if anyone knew where to get a good cheesesteak below 14th St. When I woke up, there were only one set of footprints and the whole office smelled like myrrh.
...I've started writing my memoirs, but to make it interesting, I'm doing the whole thing from the perspective of my VHS copy of the original, unfucked-with Star Wars. It's always been there with me and, frankly, it's got a much better speaking voice than I do. The only problem I'm having is that it's a Pan and Scan copy and, well, I've lead a pretty goddamn Letterboxed sort of life.
...I might consider doing some work. Might.
posted by Clinton at 3:18 PM
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