Movie Poster A Go-Go: Lucky Number Seven

All of these posters have some variation of a black, silver and red color scheme. Weird. Anyway, let's make fun of them for reasons other than that!

The Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer



It takes a lot more than a naked silver dude to get me to rise, ifyaknowwhatImean!!! Heh... heh... yes, well. Anyway, this is a poster of the movie's main special effect and it looks just about as impressive as the T-1000 looked in 1991. Way to rest on your laurels, CGI people!

Skin Walkers



It bothers me immensely that there's at least a handful of guys out there that are going to jerk off to this poster. Because you know it's going to happen; unavoidable, really, if the marketing people are going to insist on putting the blood bukakke production still up there. I don't know what's worse: That there's a group of people for whom that's a fetish, or that the studios are openly courting that market.

Perfect Stranger



I've always thought that Bruce Willis would make a good Cousin Balki.

The Girl Next Door



I cannot believe that they've made this into a movie. Jack Ketchum's book is one of the most disturbing things I've ever read, containing as it does some of the most horrific acts of violence towards children that you can ever possibly try to not imagine. That being said, if you've got the stomach for it, the book's a fantastically tense read; one of the darkest thrillers I've ever been party to. Oh, and the poster is appropriately ominous.

The Hottest State

The best part of this poster? "Un Film Di Ethan Hawke." That's pretty much the best example ever of, as my grandfather would say, "putting a prom dress on a pig." I know that this is just the French version of the poster, but still... who does he think he is? You're the kid from Explorers, not Louis Malle.