I've Got 99 Problems But A Bitch Aint One
Various Problems of My 99:
99. My gold teeth just aren't shiny enough. I feel I look like a fool, what with my dull, unimpressive golden teeth. And they cost me quite a lot of "skrilla."
74. I'm pimpin' alright, but am I "stone cold" pimpin'? Is there a test I can take because I want to be sure?
65. I told a guy that I killed a cop in a drive-by, but really I just rear-ended an off-duty cop in a drive-thru. We traded mad insurance.
51. I am so scared of clowns that I shat myself at a dimly lit McDonalds. I'm ashamed, true dat.
37. I got ge-iz-nital w-iz-arts.
18. If there's no god up in heaven, then who in the hell am I going to thank when I win my Grammy for Best New Rap Artist? Who, I ask?
9. What if I never find the right bitch? The Escalade of my heart will forever be missing the silver rims of its skanked-out companionship. Oh wait, bitches ain't one of my problems... shit... uh... I'm worried I might get audited, yo!
5. People barely even remember this song anymore, thus it makes the central joke of this post dated and lame. I got issues with my comedy skillz!!!
1. One of these days, people are going to realize that rap music sucks and I'm going to have to learn how to actually entertain people. Either that, or I'll have to knuckle down and finally finish my Art History degree. Either way, that's wack.
99. My gold teeth just aren't shiny enough. I feel I look like a fool, what with my dull, unimpressive golden teeth. And they cost me quite a lot of "skrilla."
74. I'm pimpin' alright, but am I "stone cold" pimpin'? Is there a test I can take because I want to be sure?
65. I told a guy that I killed a cop in a drive-by, but really I just rear-ended an off-duty cop in a drive-thru. We traded mad insurance.
51. I am so scared of clowns that I shat myself at a dimly lit McDonalds. I'm ashamed, true dat.
37. I got ge-iz-nital w-iz-arts.
18. If there's no god up in heaven, then who in the hell am I going to thank when I win my Grammy for Best New Rap Artist? Who, I ask?
9. What if I never find the right bitch? The Escalade of my heart will forever be missing the silver rims of its skanked-out companionship. Oh wait, bitches ain't one of my problems... shit... uh... I'm worried I might get audited, yo!
5. People barely even remember this song anymore, thus it makes the central joke of this post dated and lame. I got issues with my comedy skillz!!!
1. One of these days, people are going to realize that rap music sucks and I'm going to have to learn how to actually entertain people. Either that, or I'll have to knuckle down and finally finish my Art History degree. Either way, that's wack.
posted by Clinton at 3:51 PM
7 Comments:
RE: #5. I do not care about the timeliness/relevance, as your shit is funny. Oh, and by "shit", I mean more like "shiz-nit" and not like problem #51. Word.
Homie, you're my homie. Word is bond. And so forth.
#9 is my favorite, I like the idea of rappers being bitch-audited
I think rap music is a million times better than the old crap you listen to...
"The Escalade of my heart will forever be missing the silver rims of its skanked-out companionship."
It really doesn't get any better then that.
Anonymous... What do you know? You don't even have a name!
Irish/Jew... Thank you muchly!
I heard anonymous was Paul Bocchino...
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