World Crap

I've been really trying... really... and yet, despite the fact that I've personally played soccer and am, in general, a "sports" guy, I cannot keep this inside me any more: Watching the World Cup is boring to the point that I would rather yank on my own junk with white-hot barbeque tongs while attending a three-part lecture series on the exciting new innovations in plumbing supplies than actually sit down and watch Bulgaria and Uzbekistan play a one-goal sudden death match.

I am fully aware that this makes me a bad global citizen, but c'mon!!! Mind you, this is coming from a guy who can handle his fair share of boring events; I love baseball for christ's sakes, and I've sat through all of Solaris; the original Russian one that's four hours long, not the one with Clooney.

Is it me? Seriously, I am I the only one who doesn't get the apparent thrill of watching soccer? I know it's a fun game; as I said, I used to play it about 95 pounds ago. But watching soccer just isn't entertaining. It's basically just a bunch of guys running around and if I wanted to see that, I'd watch a track meet. At least with track, it's over pretty quick and there's a chance the guy from Canada will trip and bring down the whole lot of them in a tangle of spandex-covered limbs. Now that's entertainment.

Anyway... World Cup. Not a fan.