Thursday, May 18, 2006

A Wedding in Nowhere's Middle: Part 2

Texas, for those of you whom haven't had the pleasure, has a lot of gaps in civilzation. The proverbial "wide open spaces," popularized by many cowboy poets as well as various Dixie Chicks. As far as landscapes go, they're not bad; pretty too look at what with the green and the rolling hills and the sky all blue. They are not, and I'm certain about this, a great place to hold a wedding. There's a paucity of shade out there, for one thing, not to mention the bugs, rocks, dirt, cannibalistic hillbillies, Native American art-sellers, coyotes, gun-owners and rattle snakes. Especially when there's a perfectly servicable city like Austin not thirty miles away just sitting there, it's air conditioners beckoning like a lover's arms, it's streets running with hand-crafted microbrews, it's many fine event halls weeping gently that you're not inside them, being wed. Deciding to get Mesolithic about it and taking to the hills just doesn't make sense and I pity the poor fool that gets roped into standing on a hillside in an open-air chapel, moistly dying in a rented tux all in the name of love.

So there I was, standing on a hillside in an open-air chapel, moistly dying in a rented tux.

To be fair, it was a very pretty piece of country, if you like that sort of thing. The fact that I was monumentally hungover only diminished the surroundings a little, though it's always a bit hard to truly absorb nature's majesty when you're eyes are squeezed tightly shut behind dark sunglasses and you're muttering the Lord's Prayer into a glass of lukewarm tap water. I think it's actually a part of wedding tradition that the Best Man must, the night before the ceremony, attempt to drink like it were a competition and, needless to say, I certaintly held up my end of that particular bargin.

Anyway, my point is, to get to this place, I had to drive to where Loop 1 dead-ends into a stand of trees. Consider... if you're holding a wedding and it's past where the actual highway gives up, then you might want to rethink the choices you've made. Not everyone has forest survival skills these days and hiking boots really don't flatter the Bridesmaid's dresses.

More later.


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