Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Jesus Chair


"Remember when there was only one set of footprints? It's because you were sitting on me, motherfucker! Get off your lord and savior, fat ass!"
There are now two people in this world that I have to meet: The person that made this chair, and the person that bought it. And make no mistake, I intend to punch both of them in the balls. Because... seriously... who looks at Jesus and thinks furniture? And who then looks at Jesus-based furniture and thinks, "Ya know, my living room DOES need a Texas Chainsaw-style example of my crazy beliefs to creep out my friends and make my family consider taking away my credit cards!"
Stuff like this makes me want to sneak onto a space shuttle disguised as a very large package of freeze-dried ice cream and seek out life on other planets. We're fucked as a people. But you CAN sit on Jesus if you want. So there's that.

11 Comments:

Blogger Aenryck said...

I'm with you on the Jesus chair, but is that a Jesus Barstool next to it? I'd totally take two of the Jesus Barstools.

3:08 PM  
Blogger Meat Sweats said...

Jesus sits at the right hand of God, and now so can you. Don't forget the matching Holy Spirit futon.

At least they could have given poor Jesus some sandals.

3:41 PM  
Blogger Todd said...

Does it come with a built-in massager? I'm a sucker for those.

5:54 PM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Do you know what would be really cool? If the arms were spring-loaded and you got a big hug every time you sat down.

8:13 PM  
Blogger Bill From Gainesville said...

It looks like if you sat in that thing Jesus's beak would be right where the back of your head goes, and it would be really uncomfortable, but in Theory if you bitched about it being uncomfortable he would be all like, dude do you think having nails in your hands and that thorn thing on my head was comfortable?- Well played Jesus, well played.

9:35 PM  
Blogger Erratic said...

Is that a Jesus throne to the left? Because I am in the market for a new throne.

9:50 PM  
Blogger Servant of the Most High said...

Hi,

Here's a blog that serves for your spiritual needs, and will surely be a blessing for you.

It has messages from the Holy Scriptures, taught by the Spirit of God.

These messages teach us how to have God in all the aspects of our lives and have God's rule over every matter :

www.holyoneofisrael-reconciliation.blogspot.com

Have a blessed reading and gladly write back if you need any prayer help.

God bless you and your family.

9:22 AM  
Blogger Mummalunga said...

Welcome back.

You have no idea what's it's like to check Zombie everyday, waiting to see if the Groove came back. See - you just needed to wait for a Jesus Chair to sneak up and smack a little Groove back into your life.

Do you suppose a Judas step stool would be asking too much?

10:26 AM  
Blogger Beehive Hairdresser said...

Does a sales rep come up and quiz people looking at it as to how much they like Jesus and Christianity and shoo away the non believers?

(Personally, I think that chair kicks butt!)

8:20 AM  
Blogger Beehive Hairdresser said...

Does a sales rep come up and quiz people looking at it as to how much they like Jesus and Christianity and shoo away the non believers?

(Personally, I think that chair kicks butt!)

8:20 AM  
Blogger Cray said...

So....there's nails everywhere else in him now. but not the hands n feet? Is that backwards?

12:42 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home