We're All Going To Die
Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but it's true. We're fucked, on a global scale. How do I know this? Well, besides the fact that I'm an attractive genius who's tapped into the way the world works, I know we're all going to die because I tuned in to The History Channel last night. Specifically, the show...
...which has now been added to the list of programs that C-dog is not allowed to watch before bedtime. The episode that I caught had to do with the probability of a real-life "Andromedea Strain" happening on our planet. For those of you unfamiliar with the book, from Wikipedia:
"The Andromeda Strain (1969) is a techno-thriller novel by Michael Crichton. The plot concerns a team of scientists investigating a deadly disease of extraterrestrial origin which causes rapid, fatal clotting of the blood."
So basically, this show was about just how likely it is that we'll all be wiped out by an alien virus. And as it turns out, that particular scenario is, in fact, likely. Or at least likely enough to where it's got certain members of the scientific community all in a twist. And these folks weren't just a handful of crackpots holed up in a basement somewhere in the California desert... nope, these were real-deal eggheads from like MIT and Harvard and other similarly smarty-pantsed institutions. Some of these Poindexters even say that the Bird Flu that's been kicking ass all over China came from space; specifically from the dust of a comet that gets sprinkled down over our planet every time one cruises on by; a drive-by shooting on a cosmic level, in other words.
Honestly, kids, I don't know what to do with this information. I mean besides totally freak out, of course, and believe me I'm on top of that. The thought of alien viruses has been shitting in the back corners of my mind all night like a homeless person at Wal-Mart. Not helping matters... being on an insanely crowded D train for an hour this morning, feeling people (possibly aliens, who knows) breathing on my neck. If I closed my eyes, I could see the extraterrestrial virus jumping from person to person, skullfucking them into a diseased oblivion while the Earth dies, screaming.
And that's one of the cheerier thoughts I've had on the subject! I'd tell you the others, but I don't want to put you off your morning bagel.
So, look, is it wrong to get all bug-house over this? This is scary, right? Because if this is just me being a panicky sissy, I'm going to be unbelievably pissed at my TV for getting me all riled up. Or I would, you know, if I ever planned on turning it on again. Which I don't. Doing so only leads to trouble.
...which has now been added to the list of programs that C-dog is not allowed to watch before bedtime. The episode that I caught had to do with the probability of a real-life "Andromedea Strain" happening on our planet. For those of you unfamiliar with the book, from Wikipedia:
"The Andromeda Strain (1969) is a techno-thriller novel by Michael Crichton. The plot concerns a team of scientists investigating a deadly disease of extraterrestrial origin which causes rapid, fatal clotting of the blood."
So basically, this show was about just how likely it is that we'll all be wiped out by an alien virus. And as it turns out, that particular scenario is, in fact, likely. Or at least likely enough to where it's got certain members of the scientific community all in a twist. And these folks weren't just a handful of crackpots holed up in a basement somewhere in the California desert... nope, these were real-deal eggheads from like MIT and Harvard and other similarly smarty-pantsed institutions. Some of these Poindexters even say that the Bird Flu that's been kicking ass all over China came from space; specifically from the dust of a comet that gets sprinkled down over our planet every time one cruises on by; a drive-by shooting on a cosmic level, in other words.
Honestly, kids, I don't know what to do with this information. I mean besides totally freak out, of course, and believe me I'm on top of that. The thought of alien viruses has been shitting in the back corners of my mind all night like a homeless person at Wal-Mart. Not helping matters... being on an insanely crowded D train for an hour this morning, feeling people (possibly aliens, who knows) breathing on my neck. If I closed my eyes, I could see the extraterrestrial virus jumping from person to person, skullfucking them into a diseased oblivion while the Earth dies, screaming.
And that's one of the cheerier thoughts I've had on the subject! I'd tell you the others, but I don't want to put you off your morning bagel.
So, look, is it wrong to get all bug-house over this? This is scary, right? Because if this is just me being a panicky sissy, I'm going to be unbelievably pissed at my TV for getting me all riled up. Or I would, you know, if I ever planned on turning it on again. Which I don't. Doing so only leads to trouble.
posted by Clinton at 8:34 AM
7 Comments:
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop taking amphetamines
Tell me about it. Ever since Monday, when I puked all over the tracks of the R train, I've been on a sabatical from drinking. And that really sucked last night when I found out the world was going to end. I sooooo needed a stiff one.
(that's what she said)
You and me both. After Sunday nights drinking binge, well the destruction of the earth did not sound too bad compared with going to work.
So what you are saying is that this had better happen or all of last night's worrying will be for nothing?
Midwesterner... Calling in sick on Monday was the only option for me. I would have been useless at the office (even more so than usual).
Dutchess... Hm, good point. I don't want the world to end, but I also don't want to expend all this panicky energy for nothing. Man, I'm going to have to think about this...
I say it's just a conspiracy theory. (Then again, I could be an alien with the single goal of infecting you. There's no way for you to know.)
Great, now I'm hiding under my desk. Happy?
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