Stairs: The Diagonal Menace

Know your enemy:



That's right. Stairs. Stairs hate you. They hate everyone. Had they the ability, they'd take a shotgun to your family and not even blink. They might even smile. But, as they're, technically, objects and not beings, they're forced to enact their cruel will in the only way they know how: by being really steep and narrow.

Okay, maybe my current swelling of rage springs forth from the fact that I helped my friend Lisa move all yesterday and went up and down a couple of flights of stairs much like the one pictured at least 7,328 times. While carrying things, mind you, though it's not the boxes and furniture's fault. I blame the stairs. And then, this morning, while coming up from the subway, I was the victim of a vicious attack at the hands of some concrete stairs; they grabbed my toe, forcing me to the ground and underfoot of a callous New York rush hour crowd. Fortunantly, I managed to get out unscathed and with minimal high-heel prints in my back, but I'm still shaking over what could have been.

Do you see what's happening? They know that I'm on to them. They're watching me. Please, before it's too late... heed my warning!

Beware the stairs!!!