Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Breakfast Booze

For the last couple of years, the big thing in booze has been the fancy-pants, "specialty" martini. The trend all started with the advent of the Apple-tini and only got worse from there, producing a variety of concoctions so noxiously sweet and unnaturally colored that they make a bag of Skittles look like an organic fruit basket. While this isn't the first trend entirely supported by sorority girls and gay men, it's certaintly the worst (narrowly beating out belly-button piercings and Jennifer Lopez's music career), and it's an affront to those of who take drinking seriously.

Suddenly, though, things have changed. In our favor, for once, and away from the favor of those who frequent bars that feature wet T-shirt contests and bartenders who can't mix a Jack and Coke but can juggle twelve rocks glasses and catch marischinos in their mouths. Now we happy few, the men and women who know the joys of a beer for breakfast, who've been kicked out of a bar at closing time and who know in their hearts that a shot of whiskey can cure the common cold as well as make a steak taste better finally have a frou-frou martini to call our own.

Folks, I give you...

The Bacon Martini

My god, it's like looking into the sun. Here's the recipie, courtesy of the good folks at Liquor Snob.

"Lightly mist martini glass with vermouth, and rim the edge with bacon grease. In a cocktail shaker, mix 3oz vodka, one dash tobasco, and one dash olive juice. Shake well and strain into cocktail glass. Skim excess bacon grease from surface of cocktail. Garnish with one slice of bacon."

Now, yes, I know that it looks, well, a bit septic; I don't disagree that drinks shouldn't be grey. However, that's part of it's charm. That, and the fact that it's rimmed with bacon grease. Can you imagine? That burn of alcohol and Tobasco, that slick, meaty taste of bacon, all co-mingling on your palate before you swallow it down, your craving for booze and your craving for protien satisfied by the contents of one wide-mouthed glass.

It's hard to speak of it without weeping. Now, we've got to figure out how to buffalo wings into a glass of liquor. Besides just dunking them into your whiskey, I mean. Which, of course, is perfectly acceptable.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

God, I love this country!

8:56 PM  

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