Stepping Into Danger

In the old Robert Redford movie Three Days of the Condor, there's this scene at the beginning where he goes out to get lunch for all the folks in his office and, when he gets back, he finds that all of his co-workers have been killed. Also, he finds that the deli forgot to give him extra pickles like he specifically asked, but that's rather besides the point. Anyway, it turns out that the humble government office he worked for had inadvertently stumbled upon a big, far-reaching conspiracy and they were all killed because of it, even though they didn't really know what they'd discovered. Much running away and trying to not get shot and bedding of Faye Dunaway ensues.

I was reminded of that scene this afternoon when, upon arriving for my late shift at the office, I found that A) everyone was gone and B) my desk had been mysteriously cleaned and was now conspicuously devoid of the usual Everest's and K2's of paper that usually occupy it's space.

A sense of paranoia washed over me like rich, delicious milk chocolate over creamy nougat and fresh, roasted peanuts (sorry, I'm eating a Snickers). Because I'm totally wily, I sprang into an attack position, wielding my tape dispenser like a cudgel in one hand and gripping the fork I use to eat my Ramen in the other. No sneaky government spooks were getting the best of this dashing, young Robert Redford-esque hero, that's for damn sure. The fact that my co-workers all stepped out of the elevator just then and found me crouched behind an ergonomic office chair, baring my teeth like a threatened opossum, doesn't diminish the satisfaction of being alert and prepared for a government-sponsored hit in the least.

So they weren't all killed by an assassin; that's the good news. The bad news is that my sense of paranoia wasn't entirely unfounded. While no one's dead, my desk being suddenly cleaned and de-papered was, in fact, the ominous sign I thought it was. While I was off yesterday, my boss apparently took stock of my desk and decided to take it upon herself to tackle it's bulk. Okay, so let's just say that I'm not the best at organization as a general principle and, because of that, sometimes things... eh... go missing, get buried, get lost, disappear into the ether never to be seen again, etc. Not one of my most charming traits, I'll admit. Anyway, it seems that amid the piles there was quite a bit of stuff that hadn't gotten exactly taken care of in the manner that is should have.

Um... whoops? Heh... heh... please don't fire me I can't go back to working in video stores and selling my body to the night aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh (weeping uncontrollably and clutching my desk like it was the railing of a sinking ship).

So I got my deserved raking over the coals and a sharp, firm spanking and now I'm attempting to get my shit in order so this sort of thing doesn't happen again. I so don't need the stress, what with all these assassin's about. Or... wait, no that was just a movie.