Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Ways To Beat The Cold

- Make a steaming mug of fine, imported coffee. Add to it a few dashes of hazelnut syrup, perhaps a dollop of whipped cream and a sprinkling of cinnamon. Dump it down your pants.

- Stand in the shower with the hot water pouring directly on the top of your head. Your roommate may try to get you out of the shower (usually siting some sort of "I have to get ready for work" bullshit), but do not be deterred. Remember, if you move from your curtain of heated liquid, you'll be chilly again. Defend your position. Don't be afraid to throw the soap.

- When the temperature drops below 10 degrees, it becomes legal to build a bonfire in your apartment. Your landlord knows this, so it's totally cool.

- Two words: Boiling Everclear.

- Begin dating someone who's running a high-grade fever. Snuggle them at every opportunity.

- Putting your head in the oven isn't just for Sylvia Plath anymore. Don't over do it, though; having your head closely resemble a pot roast is not a desirable outcome.

- Listen to albums by Hot Hot Heat, The Arcade Fire, Hot Chip, Rev. Horton Heat, The Fiery Furnaces and The Flaming Lips.

-Do that thing that high school kids do where they hold their hands over someone's Zippo while it's lit so that they can prove how manly they are, thus ensuring that they'll get on the Varsity team and get to have sex with a cheerleader. Barring that, you should try to have sex with a cheerleader. You won't be successful, but it will help take your mind off the miserable, miserable cold.


Anonymous Giggleloop said...

I'm with you 100% on the shower thing. The worst is that I can never seem to get the shower curtain completely closed, so there's always a tiny bit of freezing cold air coming at me from one direction or another. Of course, after having the hot water running for 20+ minutes, the bathroom ends up nice and steamy and warm. Opening the door after the shower is a bitch though, like stepping into a damn igloo. *shivers*

10:45 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

That's why you don't get out. EVER. Well, at least not until Spring.

10:52 AM  
Anonymous Giggleloop said...

Sounds like a plan to me! Sure you'd get more than a bit pruny, but I'll take prune hands over cold any day.

1:59 PM  
Blogger blythe said...

finally, an advantage to my oklahoma exile. it's 67 today!

2:11 PM  
Blogger Beehive Hairdresser said...

I like to beat the cold with the "I'm gonna rob a bank" mask.

2:16 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Blythe... Yeah, my folks, who live in N. Texas, have been lording their pleasent weather over my frozen ass. Weak sauce.

Beehive... Or you could just actually rob a bank. I think jails are heated nowadays.

2:36 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

the only way to really beat a cold is to moan about it to everyone you know because they are really interested in it.... (well there not - but it still makes me feel a lot better)

2:28 AM  

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