Retirement Party: Songs We're All Done With

NOTE: Let's be clear about one thing, none of these are bad songs (save for one). It's just time for them to go due to their near-constant presence on the radio, as well as their overuse in movies and television. It's been a great ride, but that ride has to end.

"Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbison - So overplayed, it's lost all meaning; unfortunate Julia Roberts connotations; Orbison has many other songs that don't get heard because this one's in the way, blocking their exit like a fat man on a rush hour train.

"Night Moves" by Bob Seger - Overwrought song about getting laid as a teenager; Bob Seger has a gross "Dad beard;" contains lyrical references to a "60 Chevy" and a "Drive-in," both unironically.

"Imagine" by John Lennon - Used too often as a shorthand for peace by uncreative protesters; it's lyrics are often found on t-shirts sold at Spencer's Gifts; it's sentiments aren't going to happen, at least not in our lifetime.

"Born To Be Wild" by Steppenwolf - Movie trailers use this song to indicate that a character is a "wild n' crazy" guy; Radio DJ's use this song to indicate that the weekend will be "wild n' crazy;" the general "wild n' craziness" it represents, particularly when it is played at weddings where your drunk relatives aren't stopped from dancing.

"Jumpin' Jack Flash" by The Rolling Stones - Quite possibly the worst Rolling Stones song of all time; Reminds us of our Dad drumming along on the steering wheel, with all the inherent shame that goes with said image; mid-80's Whoopi Goldberg comedy connotations.

"Unchained Melody" by The Righteous Brothers - Simon Cowell's favorite song (true); when it plays, all we can think of is Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore, and Demi Moore's weird haircut in Ghost; also, it makes us think of erotic pottery-making, which is unpleasant.

"Sweet Home Alabama" by Lynyrd Skynyrd - Adopted as an anthem by racists; Has been adapted for use as a novelty car horn; was the title of an unfortunate Reese Witherspoon romantic comedy, for which we blame Lynyrd Skynyrd and not Reese, because we love her.

"Happy Together" by The Turtles - I can only remember this as a song used to hawk some sort of cereal in the late 80's; The Turtles have much better songs elsewhere in their catalogue; "Eleanor," for example, as well as, "You Baby."

"Time Of Your Life (Good Riddance)" by Green Day - Reminds us too much of High School, even if you weren't in High School when the song was released; Reminds us of the Seinfeld finale, which everyone hated but me and I don't need to have that debate again; Reminds us how much "Dookie" rocked, which makes us sad that Green Day doesn't make albums like "Dookie" anymore.

"Hey Jude" by The Beatles - Paul playing this at the Super Bowl a few years ago was the last straw for this one; that "na na NA nanana..." part has lost it's magic for group sing-a-long purposes; has been replaced by the "ba ba DAAAA" part in "Sweet Caroline."